A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why am i such an idiot. i arranged a date with a friend of mine we decided to give it a go. He messaged me to say he was home and that i can go round so i got a taxi to his and knocked on his door a few times and he didnt answer. It was late dark and really freezing cold out. The taxi company i used took me the wrong way and i ended up paying a couple of pound more for his mistake as he didnt listen when i told him where to go. This then left me short of money but thought since i was going to my dates house in the morning i could walk part way home. He never answered the door i messaged him and he didnt reply he has seen my messages but nothing. I really want to vent my anger to him but where would this get me. i feel hurt and let down. In my anger i didnt have a go at him but i told him i had to walk part way home in the dark freezing cold to 'get back at him' and show him what a selfish idiot he is. I have been mugged in the daylight before and he knows this and he also knew i dont feel safe at night in his area where he lives. i want to believe it was a mistake on his side and that he fell asleep but i doubt that happened. i think people will tell me to get rid of him but theres something about him that makes me want him but i dont like his selfishness and yes this should be enough to put me off him. do i tell him how i feel and his actions hurt me or should i just ignore him or do i tell him to get lost
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2018): i am the op. I have read everyones advice and taken it. i think i just needed people to be blunt with me. Its harder taking advice off people who know us, so im glad i came here as no-one knows us. I have deleted his number blocked him on social media and if he tries to contact me somehow im just ignoring him. i didnt bother wasting my time having a rant at him. His loss i shall go forward to better things and people. thanks everyone
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (31 October 2018):
 What kind of guy asks a woman on a date only to ignore her when she gets to his house and offer no sort of apology or explanation?
Would avoid this guy like the plague, at least he’s shown you how unreliable he is before you got attached, be glad of that. It’s quite alarming that you’re considering giving him a second chance when he clearly doesn’t value you. You would never show this behaviour to someone that you’re romantically interested in, I think he’s shown you all that he needed to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2018): Yes this is a very unkind man you have allowed yourself to have feelings for.
He has no respect or concern for you.
If you could tell yourself that you are worth much more than linking up with a man who is totally and casually using you then you will send him packing.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 October 2018):
 I think you are being far too generous to him. He obviously doesn't value you enough to be bothered about your safety or even to be bothered to wait for you when you have made arrangements to meet.
You can't force people to care.
In your shoes I would block him and delete his number from your phone so that you are not tempted to contact him again. Don't sell yourself so short. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2018): You were prepared to:Make the journey to go see himPay for the journeyWalk part way home the next dayGo out in the cold and dark when you are frightened because you have been mugged.HEtexted you and waitedignored you He is one cruel, nasty, disrespectful SOAB. After being treated in this despicable way, why would you be considering seeing him again? He might have been laughing up his sleeve at you last time. Knowing that he could just stay in, knowing that YOU like him SO much that all he has to do is stay put and wait. It doesn't sound as if you've even gone on a date together. You were automatically assigned to the booty call category and you did all the work too. Not only that but when you get there, he leaves you stranded, cold, disrespected and frightened. What a great guy! The only excuse would be if he was unconscious on the floor! Please don't give this douche bag the satisfaction of knowing that he can treat you like that and that you would show up for more. He KNOWS his actions hurt you. If a man really likes you, he will go all out to show you. He most certainly would not behave like this. If I were you, I would ignore, ignore, ignore. And next time you and a man start to date. DO that. Date. And let him do the running to start with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2018): [EDIT]:
"Suffer the painful withdrawal, I know he's under your skin; but think of that night."
P.S.
Turning friendships into romances rarely transition into exactly what you want. People may pretend to agree; either to be polite, or giving-in under pressure. I think that night was his real answer to your wish to shift the friendship into something more. He changed his mind, but didn't show you the courtesy of at least offering your warmth and shelter for the night.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2018): Giving him a piece of your mind might give you some personal-satisfaction by venting your anger; but that's pretty much all you'll get out of that.
Admonishing him for what he did comes too long after the fact. If you didn't get to do it the night he ignored you at the door; he's only going to avoid you. He knows he's got it coming to him.
If you give us a disclaimer like this:
"i think people will tell me to get rid of him but theres something about him that makes me want him but i dont like his selfishness and yes this should be enough to put me off him."
We can only wonder how effective any advice, except what you want to hear, will matter. If you're on a mission to make him your boyfriend, what would anything said to the contrary matter? I think what he did was totally outrageous! That's no exaggeration.
You don't give a man a chance, who left you locked-out in the cold of the night. Not to say you can't forgive him; but only a fool would want to keep a dick like that for a friend or anything else.
Don't take offense, but I must make a point. You're in your 40's; and mature-women tend to rationalize, or make excuses when men mistreat them. They put their emotions ahead of their common-sense; and feel their age means they have to defer their own values and standards, and excuse bad-behavior on the part of men. They sometimes allow their loneliness and desperation to have a man, force them to accept terrible treatment; with hopes they will fix it with love. They want to believe he really didn't mean it.
Would you have done such a thing to him?
You have to yield to your dignity and self-respect. He didn't call ahead to cancel your visit, he ignored your knocks and calls. He didn't check on you afterward!!! Yet you need to ask other people what to do about that kind of disrespect and mistreatment? If you excuse this, you will find yourself doing this as a pattern of behavior from now on. He knows you're so into him, he can treat you however he pleases.
Put your desperation aside. Use your better judgement; and have nothing more to do with that man. Block, delete, and forget about him. Suffer the painful withdraw, I know he's under your skin; but think of that night. A dog would be treated better!
You could have gotten sick from the exposure; or worse, attacked!!!
He had absolutely no remorse or concern for your safety and well-being. There is no problem with forgiveness; but that doesn't mean allowing this sort of treatment to be dismissed or ignored. He only agreed for you to come, because you asked; and may have been pushing for this all along. He didn't have the man-nuggets to just say he's not interested in a romance; so he left you standing at the door knocking like a fool.
NO!!! You have but one reason to talk to this man. It's to hear a sincere apology; and after, that you should have nothing more to do with him.
I'll put it bluntly. If desperation is stronger than your dignity and self-respect; maybe you'll give him another chance to prove he's nothing but a piece of dirt. Maybe given another chance to prove how much of a assh*le he is will convince you that it's better to have nothing more to do with him. The next offense might be even worse!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2018): Sorry to say, but face it he doesn't care much for you, bcoz when you care for someone you await impatiently for their arrival. He didn't. Do you want to be in a one sided love? I know I wouldn't. So really it is up to you what to do now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 October 2018):
 If I were you, I'd hold my head up high and tell him you have decided you don't see a future with him.
And then DROP him.
I get why you are mad. It was a ridiculous incident. He put you in danger and no excuse of "I fell asleep" is good enough. Seriously, who invites someone over and then proceed to go to bed? NO ONE who wants to try and impress a woman!
But my guess is, you are also mad at yourself for "allowing" to be treated as a booty call.
Therefore, don't go off on him (even if he deserves a tongue lashing) take the high road and just drop him.
HE ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE. You yelling at him will not make him more considerate.
You can do better. Don't waste your time on a guy who can't even show an ounce of consideration for the woman he ASKED to come over. I mean WTF! If he was so tired he shouldn't have suggest you come over.
Just drop him. That would be my advice.
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