A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years know. We have 3 kids together and he is a musician. Which means he doesn't work. I am the only working household member. He talks to many females on the phone and tells me it is business purposes but yet he always leaves the room and says pet names. I am not stupid I know what is going on. He goes out and comes in the next morning like 5-7am and says he is doing music. I love him and think I am being blind by telling my self he is not doing anything and I hate him because of everything he makes me think about and I don't know which is stronger. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): Ok you do need to get tough but you also need to decide what your boundaries are. You are currently justifying everything he does because of 'love'. Is this a 'love' you want / need? There are many many ways to check where he is all night and what the conversations are on the phone - you can buy equipment fairly cheaply to record voice conversations, download text messages etc. I think you have been avoiding really finding out because if he really is cheating and you have solid evidence 100% then you have a decision to face. So - what would you do if he was cheating? If your answer is... "I'd stay with him" then what is the point of needing to know? Establishing facts is only useful if you are going to act on them. I think the guy sees you as a complete walk-over - I mean you do everything for him and he just does precisely what he wants. Make a plan to find out the truth. Stay calm otherwise he will get more sneaky. Get evidence. Start doing less for him. Give this process 4 weeks and keep a diary to keep yourself sane. I hope you see the light because if he won't change you would be better off on your own.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 You married a house husband .If you think he is not pulling his weight around the house , you could have a talk with him about your feelings and what you expect him to do.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Excellent advice from Collaroy! I live in Nicaragua, poster. I know what you're talking about. I have seen it happen. If you don't stand your ground now, it will only be too late later.
You and I know you're keeping him. It's about time he does something for you and the kids. And it's about time he stops seeing other women.
Tú y yo sabemos que lo mantienes. Ya es hora de que haga algo por tí y tus hijos. Y ya es hora también de que deje de andar con otras mujeres.
Cuídate.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Hi,
sounds like your man has a sweet life. He doesnt work and goes out partying to all hours while you work and look after the kids.
Maybe its time you told him to get his arse employed pronto or be there for your children. He has responsibilites which he is neglecting - it might be very hard to make him change his ways ( after all he has the good life now ) but you need to stick to your guns .
Tell him you are sick of him talking to these women you don't know and if he isnt prepared to be a family man he can get out of your house.
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