A
female
age
30-35,
*uperhoopschick
writes:My boyfriend is a Mama's boy...how to I get him to separate? He is 21 and still lives with mom. Never lived out on his own. I am slightly young, have a job and live on my own. I want him to spend time with me but i cant get him away from mom. She gave him a cerfew even when he pays rent. she has 4 other sons but he is the only mama's boy. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): How excessive is his attachment to his Mother? If it's bad then it's pretty tough to 'separate' a guy like this, from his Mother. Especially, if he's not showing signs of trying to break away all on his own, at the age of 21. Most young men, at this age have been away from the nest for a few years. It's likely his Mother is a unhappily (married or unmarried) person. Even though she has other sons, this mother has developed a special, but dysfunctional, emotional bond with this one son, who happens to be your bf. He is her favorite. And I am not sure if you can make him choose between you and her. If you do, she will win and you will lose. I dated a Mama's boy when I was 18. A nice fellow, but I recognized quickly I was not in this, to compete with her and she hated any woman coming within 3 feet of her son so I ended it. To this day (and he's 55) he has never married. Why..because very few women tolerate men who are like this. They see the future and it's not pretty. I think you and he need to have a talk. Don't be rude..just tell thim that to be an adult means to be independent and to have a life of his own, to make his own decisions. If he has a unusually big attachment to his Mother, I would think your future with him might look grim. Being a Mama's boy doesn’t usually bode well in marriage because he’ll probably put her ahead of you, thus damaging your relationship and causing you a lot of pain in your future. You have some huge decsisons to make here. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): I would have to disagree with the first post about "Mama's boys don't make good husbands". I believe this is based on the individual and not an entire stereotype of people's lifestyles.
With that out of the way, I also disagree with Peoriaman who said that you deserve better. Better than what exactly?
Look, this is a simple issue. If his relationship with his mom and her rules is a huge obstacle in your relationship with him, then break up and open yourself up to someone who is on their own with no baggage.
You can either try to make him understand by talking with him or do something like what Tommy suggested, or simply accept it. Personally, I would suggest you move on. Not because he's a momma's boy, but because it seems you want someone who is independent and without any parents to dictate his life.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (13 October 2007):
Bring him over to your house and show him why he shouldn't be a mama's boy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): RED FLAG! Mama's boys don't make good husbands dear.
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