A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't quite make up my mind about the guy I've been dating lately. I suspect he was something of a player in the past and I can't decide whether he's different since meeting me (does that even happen?!) or whether I should be really wary of letting my feelings go too far.Here's why I think he was a bit of a player- the first time I stayed the night at his place, the old lady he lives with said 'what, a third one!' when she saw me in the morning. And he'd only been living there a month.- Before we got together I was one of the guys, so his mates had told me about his other one night stands and not calling women back.- He told me today (because he thought he could run into her at the place we were going for lunch) about how he'd broken up with a past girlfriend on the phone, telling her he was overseas for a while. So I take it he impulsively went to the other side of the world and broke up with her because he wanted to hook up with someone else while there. He did say they'd only been together for 6 weeks, but still!But on the other hand, he's been a really lovely guy to me for the couple of months we've been together. If anything, he's been the one moving things between us towards a more serious commitment. After a week he was introducing me to his friends as his girlfriend and I've met all of his family. Judging my how excited his nieces were about him having a girlfriend, he doesn't introduce women to his family very often. He also talks a lot about things we can do together in the future. When he drinks too much he tells me how much he cares about me in this short time.I don't know - can people like that change? Or should I be protecting myself from getting hurt and just treat it like a bit of fun?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): When I met my boyfriend, he told me all about his past which was quite colourful! I was wary of him at first and asked him outright if I was just another notch on his bedpost. He assured me I wasn't. So I asked him what the difference was between me and all the other women he admitted to playing. He said the difference was that he could talk to me.
He is a wonderful, caring, romantic guy. He often tells me that people change and that he can't be bothered with his previous lifestyle anymore as he now has what he wants. I believe him but I am still a little wary.
Maybe your man was looking for a relationship rather than a fling when he met you? I'd say enjoy your relationship for what it is. Don't let mistrust ruin a decent relationship BUT don't be too naive. I think a little mistrust in relationships is healthy.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 It's possible that you might be *the one* for him, and that he really does feel for you more than he does for the others. However, men don't change. In every single relationship, there comes a point where the "lovey dovey" mutual obsession for each other fades, and there's a sense of responsibility and work that goes into a mature relationship. Is he the type of person who wouldn't get bored and go onto the next conquest?
The one thing you said that would have me concerned is - he tells you how much he cares about you when he's drunk. How is he to you when he's stone cold sober and the lights are on? THAT is more telling than drunken hormonal declarations of love (or at least intense "like").
I say enjoy the relationship, but keep your guard up. He may very well surprise you by taking the relationship to the next levels (saying he loves you, making the relationship exclusive, talking about a future together), so I won't say to drop him. But don't ever forget how he rolls, and before making a commitment to move in with him, having his kid, or doing something else that you can't easily get out of, take the relationship past the lovey dovey-ness and see what he's made of when the relationship is tested through adversity.
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