A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice. I live with a great guy, we started house sharing in June. He is the kindest, loveliest man I've ever known. Our feelings for each changed in September and we decided to get together. Its been lovely and everything with him is so easy. Even us living together and dating hasnt been an issue - its just comfortable :) We went away together last week for a few days and this also went well so we told our families we were together. The last couple of days I've been feeling a bit flat and I cant pinpoint why. I have recently changed jobs and its not as fulfilling as I expected. Also, a lot of my friends are settled with children so I dont see them as much. I just keep worrying that I'm not 'excited' enough about my new relationship, therefore worried if we are right for each other. This upsets me because I have spells where I feel really happy but then days where I question everything. Its only been 7 weeks that we have been together and we havent said we love each other. I've always picked guys that havent treated me well, now I've got someone amazing who I care about deeply, why aren't I more excited? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2014): Yeah im actually 26 and he is 22! He is wonderful. I broke someone's heart when I was younger and im worried i'll do the same to him. Plus we live together so its a lot of pressure on us to 'work'. However, I completely agree on the 'wanting a bad guy' thing and thats why I think we should give this a shot. Hes more affectionate than me so I feel I dont give it back quite as much. I genuinely think I have anxiety over relationships so tend to worry a lot unnecessarily. People have commented how happy I seem so Id just like to embrace it.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 October 2014):
 Do you just realize now women are attracted to assholes and think nice guys are boring? If you think you are too old for drama and suspense, then what else would make you feel passionate? I just feel at 22-25 it may be too early for you to settle down, but that doesn't mean dump him. You are risking your youth because by the time you really want a nice guy your body plays against you. As you get older men turn into assholes by getting rejected by women so nice guys would be rare in your 30's. Nice men get bitter and bad guys, married men, players are everywhere. So snatch a good guy when he's in front of you. You didn't say your boyfriend is a doormat or unassertive. This is where your mind has to control over your body. There are teenagers who want to get pregnant because their age and hormones dictate it but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.
When you say you are afraid you can't love him, what specifically is it? Are you afraid that if an exciting guy contacts you, you will feel tempted? You would feel stuck with a boring guy?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014): But surely it could be soon to know for sure? I really feel it sometimes but its not the 'leap' that you see on films. Its almost like im afraid I wont love him, and it scares me coz things are goin so well. We've even discussed these feelings and he said we should end if im unsure - which upset me as I dont want to :/ this time last week I wasnt worrying at all so it is like sudden cold feet, but I think it may be me worrying
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): You don't love this guy. Trust me on this one. You like him a lot and he is a "great guy", but you are confusing these emotions for love. You even stated yourself that you're that not excited about the relationship and wonder if you are actually right for each other. Don't ignore your gut instinct. It will be okay for now, but these same feelings of doubt will manifest themselves again as the relationship goes on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): Hi I'm the OP. Thanks for the advice. I don't know if its clear in my first post but there is attraction and compatibility there. We care deeply for one another and even living together is a breeze so far. It was the 'love' thing I was querying. Some days I feel close to it, but others I get a bit unsure and was just wondering if this was normal. I dont wanna break it off because its going well. And its not about being single as I was fine alone! Some varied advice but thanks - I feel a lot more positive today
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A
male
reader, Dreamland  +, writes (25 October 2014):
Do this guy a favor and break off the relationship ASAP. You're making a mistake that a lot of women make when settling down, which is settling for a "nice guy". Just because he's a nice guy and a doormat doesn't mean that you have great chemistry. Don't settle for someone because you're "sick and tired of the dating game" or because other guys in your past dating life were jerks. It doesn't work that way.
Genuine attraction and compatibility is something you feel right away, similar to loving sushi or hating it. Attraction is not something that grows over time like the acquired taste of beer. Get out now! Don't let this linger.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (25 October 2014):
Say you love him, or lean towards him and ask if he still loves you. I am sure you still do. The fairy tales say they lived happily ever after. They didn't say they are excited forever. Nothing will fall apart if you don't get symptoms of heart racing and butterflies every day. You have to treat your relationship like a flower. It's fragile and you have to work hard forever.
Did any issue still linger about the change of feelings since September?
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