A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:do you ever run out of things to say in conversation?ie friends? new friends? how not to do this? what's a good way to get to know someone and keep being a good friend without being too intrusive or running out of things to talk about? how do other people maintain good f.ships? or get to know others? there are only so many questions about movies, tv, family, work etc you can ask! I try to be interested in them, listen etc, I know about social skills..im an ok person too! But many people are too into smartphones to talk.. so sad.finding my friends make little effort,Im the one doing the texting/contacting etc, am fed up! but.. new friends at my age hard to find! (Im singleI dont have kids)
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (26 October 2014):
 Friends do not leave it all up to you to arrange a time to see each other. That is not what good friends do. So it is certain that you need to wipe the slate clean and find a better class of friend.
You may have good social skills but that alone is not working for you.
So for now stop looking for friends and instead focus on you.
Build your confidence in you. Go through your wardrobe and your life and cull ruthlessly. Get rid of the baggage, whatever it is.
Sometimes possessions crowd out so much. Things packed away that you never use. Streamline your life and sell off the things you never use and never will use. Same with the clothes you have not worn for more than 2 years, since they no longer belong in your wardrobe.
Then start developing your external life.
don't start looking for friends just yet.
join a service industry association like Rotary and volunteer for projects.
Find a Community group that you identify with and join it and volunteer for any projects within that that interest you.
Read widely so that you are conversant with community and local and world events. I choose to read several online newspapers to keep me better informed about different issues and countries.
Read fiction occasionally
Allow your hairdresser to style your hair differently.
Once you do join groups there will be times when the group socialises in a group meal. or discussion after a meeting. at these times watch and observe. you will be drawn to some more than others. Share something about yourself. such as an exhibition you want to attend. if you get a hint that someone shares your interest in that exhibition then ask them later if they would like to attend with you. if yes, then good, if not then back to the drawing board.
Revamp your wardrobe and think about how you could make your own life more interesting for you.
Confidence attracts people to you.
always listen more than you talk.
I always remember birthdays of my friends. I call them prior to their birthday and wish them a lovely day.
I may suggest that we meet for lunch.
if I am excited about someone I call them to let them know.'
They do the same for me.
similarly I take an interest in what is important to them.
I keep them in the loop. they do the same.
friendship is a two way thing.
sometimes I even hold my tongue. They are my friends. They do not need to be perfect. Because I am not perfect either, I excuse some things and I am forthright about some things, I love that they are on the same page as me.
sometimes they are not on the same page as me, That is not enough to break the friendship. so I work around it diplomatically.
I respect and love my friends and I get the feeling that they feel the same. my very best friend has been my friend since I was aged 4. She is like a sister to me.
I was taught to Make new friends and keep the old friends. One is silver and the other gold. I think that is true.
|
