A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:He is truly amazing, he is everything I every wanted in a man, except for a few things, one is his and my children don't get along very well so every other weekend is super stressful for me.Finances are super tight so he can't contibute as much as I think he should. He moved into my house after about 3 months of dating. I'm a mother of three boys and every few times a month (9months now) I start feeling like it's just not what I want. I don't feel like I need to be single and date other guys, I just feel like I don't want to be in a relationship. I do love and respect the guy but so often I feel like I want to be alone. It is always on my mind and at times I start being distant and acting grouchy and he notices. I have told him that I don't want to be in the relationship, and he has left for about a weekend, and then I changed my mind, it makes it hard to stay away when he calls and shows up trying to change my mind, because there isn't a real reason why I feel like this way. Other than I just don't want to be in a relationship right now. WHat do I do?!?!?!?! He is an amazing man and I don't want to break his heart. He wants to marry me and make a future with me. But at this point in my life, I want to be single and focus on my children. Advice please.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 May 2012):
 Contrariously to popular belief , love only is never enough. Feelings are great bit do not sustain telationship by themselves. daily life and practical considerations intrude, butt in, and clamour ( and rightly so ) for attention and consideration.
It's a bit like you had said: he's a perfect guy, only he is married. Oh . Then you can't date him. He's a perfect guy, but he is gay . Or impotent. Or serving time in jail.
Then, no can do. Sad ,but that's what it is.
You are a single mom of 3 and after 3 months you took in, basically, a stranger, only to find out that he can't or he does not want contribute his fair share . In practice , he made you shoulder financial responsibilities that are not yours, and , how little that may be, still it should be a no-no for a single mom of 3.
Your kids do not blend at all and this makes weekends fraught with tension. That's nobody's fault maybe, but it's another "don't go there " sign, IMO. The point of a relationship is to make your life happier , easier and smoother, not to complicate it ; otherwise, 10 times better being on your own !
Of course these kinks could be probably be ironed out by a great love, an overhelming passion. That may be worth the hassles. But, I think the doubts you are having are the signals that your subconscious is telling you : " He's not worth it. Nice guy, but... all this trouble and stress, just for the sake of having someone sleeping beside you ? Naaah.I don't think so ".
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (12 May 2012):
 Timing is everything, they say.
Realistically, I don't think this relationship is going to work even if you do continue dating. It sounds like he isn't financially stable (yet) and his kids are having a negative impact on your family. If you do wind up marrying him, how exactly will any of this get better? While he may be perfect in terms of his manners and such, his circumstances are less so.
Unfortunately, you will break his heart in telling him that your relationship isn't working. There's no two ways about it. Why not explain to him though that you'd like to continue seeing him but you don't see yourself working out long term and that you feel you can't devote enough attention to him and your kids. You don't want to short change him of attention and not being fully devoted to him will only leave him frustrated and resentful.
It certainly sounds like he moved pretty quickly in terms of moving in with you and that really didn't give you the proper time to sort out whether you were truly meant to be.
There really isn't an easy way to deal with this except to break it to him just as you've done it here. Your kids come first and you are short changing him of having a devoted woman in his life. It'll hurt, but like removing a bandage you can either make it agonizingly slow or rip it off clean.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (12 May 2012):
 If you don't want to marry this guy, then don't. In fact it sounds like he should move out and you should not try living together for awhile. I really think you just rushed into things a little too fast. Try living apart for awhile. Give it 3 months or maybe 6 months. You can still "date" each other. You can still be exclusive if you want but pull back so you don't feel smothered. I think that's what's happening and why you're feeling like this. Pull back. Spend more time in your own space for awhile. He can come over a couple of times a week or you can make a date to hang out and go to dinner. Once you're taking it slower you may be able to figure out how you really feel and be able to decide what you want to do. Living together may work out again later just not right now. So do right by yourself and you'll both be alot happier.
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A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (12 May 2012):
I've been in this situation and its super hard on the man - but at the end of the day you need to do whats right for you and your kids. This will hurt both of you - no doubt about that but its better than leading him on further and further and not good for the kids either since they will develop attachments also.
sit him down and have a talk with him - moving in so soon was possibly a mistake - the first step is for him to move out and allow you some space and then see how that feels.
best of luck - I know it will be hard but its possibly the best thing to do you both.
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