A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's basically a case of 2's company, 3's a crowd. My and my boyfriend have been going out for a year now. My relationship was always me, my boyfriend, and his best friend (lets call him X to make this easier to understand).Im in a really long distance relationship, we live 4 hours train journey apart and are both still in college. X doesn't go to college and is always wanting to hang with my bf because he's got no one else. I don't hate him, i think that he's a really good best friend to have, but i feel that my boyfriend doesn't talk to me as much as he should and it's because of X. Me and X do get along, i know him well and consider him a friend, he isn't always hogging my boyfriend on purpose and i don't fault X for it. It's my boyfriend, or is it me. I don't want to tell my boyfriend this because I don't want it to come out in a way that is telling him that he can't see X as much anymore because it's not my place.Me and my boyfriend got into a huge row last night because he didnt talk to me for a whole week - and to me thats a big deal because we've been through this before and he promised he wouldn't do it again. He told me that X was going through a lot and that he needed to be there for him - which is all very well, but he didn't consider how his absence made me feel. it feels like X always comes before me in everything, even though my boyfriend says im the most important thing to him.How can I tell my boyfriend how I feel without sounding like i'm being unreasonable etc? Or am I just being unreasonable by not accept the fact that X will always come before me?
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female
reader, Faybelline +, writes (1 October 2008):
 You're not being unreasonable; it's understandable that you feel the way you do.
Obviously you need to speak about this with your boyfriend but in a sensitive manner; X is clearly a very important person in his life and he may not be look at things the way you do. Your boyfriend probably wont see this as a case of either X or yourself coming first or second but you need to try and explain that's how you see it.
You just need to explain how you feel and why you feel that way; explain you have nothing against X and that you understand he is important but you need to feel valued too. Don't make it about him choosing between you and X and try to avoid placing blame.
If he understands how you feel then it might be easier for him to make an effort and try to talk to you more but, if X has been a big part of his life for a long time, it may be very difficult for him and you need to understand that too.
The fact that the two of you have made a long distance relationship last for a year shows that you must be doing something right, I'm sure that if you talk this through you can sort it out.
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