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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I think about leaving my husband everyday. I hate myself for this. He is just does not make me feel good. Even so he is a good man. Sadly he is also impotent for no known reasons... Not medical. And this is not my primary reason I want to make this clear...But something makes me feel,that I don`t want to do this anymore. And I feel so guilty about this. I see people ,who has such a rotten husbands ,cheating lying etc. And I feel guilty that my husband is a good man ,but does not fulfilling my needs. And I suffer very much.. We raised our kids, with lots of problems. So family is not a source of joy for me long time ago. I`m thinking to leave and live by myself. I have no other man at all...Well, I don`t know what to do. Can you suggest something ,,,THANKS. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emma_zee  +, writes (11 June 2010):
I don't know if I am really posting a reply to you or more like talking to myself. I stand at a similar place as you. I got married when i was 16 and i am 23 years old now. He is madly in love with me but he has disappointed me on every occasion and I am out of love. It's not like he meant to disappoint me but things were just meant to be this way probably since he is about ten years older than me and I a beginning to resist him. Plus he wants me to be more of a mum to him than a wife because of his constant need for attention and getting upset and jealous of my girl friends. I constantly feel the temptation of having an affair of some kind, or just feel desired and sexy. My husband prefers me fat and i like being skinny and pretty etc so that I prefer to stay in home etc. He is obsessed with me and his entire world revolves around me. He doesn't even have male friends. He just wants to cling to him all the time. I am feeling so so so suffocated that sometimes i feel i can't breath. Having said all that...even though i am not in love with him, i deeply care about him and i know if i leave him then his world would simply collapse. I also know that if i tell him that i want out and i cant cope with you anymore then he will say i want you to be happy. But i know how devastated he will be. So partly it's conscious and partly it's the fear that i may not find someone who would love me as much as my husband does. I am 23 and I think i can start my life again but life does seem to be flashing by at a zap so i wonder if i leave this relationship to embark upon another, will it really solve anything? I don't know what's going to happen for sure, but good man or not i think it's worth a shot to try to fall in love with I'm if he loves you. I figured out my fundamental problem, which basically is that i anticipate everything in life with a certain standard and if that is not met i am not happy. I guess the key to happiness is being able to be content with whatever you have and being able to let go. I haven't mastered the art of that yet but definitely trying to make peace with things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): Yes it would!!!! But it's not everything,... Thanks
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 One more thing: do you think his being able to sustain an erection would help the marriage?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (29 December 2009):
I agree with the anonymous male poster above. I also think this is not about guilt. If you don't see a way to save the marriage, perhaps it's a bad thing to keep it and then make him feel like he's loved when he's not.
You don't want to break his heart, but sometimes there are things worse than breaking a man's heart, you know?
I do believe you should follow the advice of talking to a marriage counselor and see whether you can save the marriage.
The impotence is obviously important. It means you're in a sexless marriage. How can you know the reason is not medical? Has he tried Viagra or something like that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): If you're unhappy in your marriage then the first thing you want to do is sit down with your husband and tell him that. You need to also tell him why you want to leave and at least give him that chance. It seems from what you've written that he's a good man and he's more of a friend than a husband at this point.
If he truly does care about you, I would think he would let you go so you can be happy somehow.
You could try marriage counseling if the two of you think that will work. At the very least if it doesn't a good marriage counselor would suggest a divorce if its hopeless after all. This would at least give you the out you need without feeling terrible about leaving.
No one here can tell you anything new about raising kids and lots of problems. Kids are usually a welcome, albeit complicating factor, in many marriages. It sort of goes with the territory of starting and raising a family.
That said, kids can complicate families so badly that they are sometimes responsible for busting up the marriage.
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