A
female
age
30-35,
*ostchick
writes:ok let me start from the begging. when i was younger my parents didnt let me go out at all. i wanted to go out and have fun with my friends at the mall and parties, i would beg to my parents to let me go out but they would make up excuses. by the way im the only child and i think thats the main reason they were so stricted. when i was 16 bout to be 17 i met this guy at the time he was 24. we started talking and next thing you know i ranned away with him. i truely loved him, now we've been 3 years together and have a 10 month old baby. but since about 1 year i kinda lost intrest in him. i dont want to have sex, argue with him every chance i get. im sooo confused about this situation. i dont even know if i still love him!! but i dont want to leave him because he's the father of my son. at the same time when i got married my parents told me that if i marry him it was going to be forever!! he's a good guy, my parents love him!! but sometimes he doesnt help with our son, i have to tell him to help out. sometimes i even think that i left with him so i could just get out of my house. please give me some advice i dont know what to do?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (28 January 2010):
 Making wrong decisions, running away and looking for fun is what got you into this situation in the first place. That's what happens when adults have fun and are irresponsible, there are consequences that we have to pay.
Divorcing this guy, leaving him, is not an option for you right now. You are young, and your feelings change constantly, especially when your pregnant or are at home with a young baby. It's to do with your hormones. It's not good to make any decisions right now.
You had fun being with him before, you felt grown up having an older guy as a boyfriend. It was fun, and you felt excitement in going against your parents wishes. But he's a grown man, and you are now a married woman and a mother. It's not fun anymore, just everyday boring life. Your wondering if this is all there is, looking after kids, staying at home bored, tired all the time.
Yep, that's life when you have kids. You want to be young and irresponsible again, but this is not possible. However, it is possible to get more help at home. You need to tell him how tired you are feeling, how upset you are and how near you are to leaving him. You also need to talk to your mother, maybe you can go stay with your parents for a while, or maybe your mother can come down to help you, so you can get some rest.
Your tired, your frustrated, and your probably feeling unappreciated. Common feelings for new mothers and recently married wives. In your case it's probably worse, because you are still young and your friends are probably unmarried, without children and out having fun. See if you can find a mothers group in your area, or a health visitors. You need some outside support, some time of social life. He needs to know how you feel, or the feeling of wanting to escape will get stronger, until you finally get fed up enough to divorce him.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 January 2010):
So are you trying to insinuate that it's somehow your parents fault for being strict and that's why you're with some guy that you don't really love and ended up pregnant? Well if that's the case, then I'm wondering why I was never in your situation because believe me, my parents sound exactly like yours did, and I'm in no way, shape, or form in the predicament that you're in. Otherwise, starting from the "beginning" about your strict and evil parents is irrelevant.
I'm just telling you now at your age; no, you probably don't love him anymore. It was a good idea at first, but maybe not so much now. I had a boyfriend for 4 years from 16-20 and I couldn't stand him anymore and would start arguments just because I didn't care. I didn't care because I didn't love him and hoped that I'd be such a nagging bitch he would just dump me. Eventually I dumped him and that's the end of it. However, since you two have a child, it's a bit harder. I think that he should definitely be a part of your child's life and I don't doubt that you don't want him to be. But he may just not be the right person for you. He's your first real relationshp and it's been a very serious relationship to boot. I think you just need to make a decision to be with him and miserable your entire life. Or get out of the relationship and come to some sort of agreement and be happy with your life. It's up to you if you want to make yourself happy or others happy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 January 2010):
I think you do love him. It's more likely that you're feeling unappreciated and tired, since it doesn't sound like he's helping you that much. I think you need to sit down and tell him that you're feeling tired and that you need more help. All relationships go through this kind of things at some point, and that's the moment where both people need to put in more effort to each other. You still love him, you're just tired and feeling unappreciated. So talk to him and tell him you need more help.
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