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swtbby44
writes:hi, ive been seeing someone for ten months. the first two or three months he was desperately in love with me and wanted me to reciprocate but I couldnt love him yet and that bugged him. the reason I couldnt love him or trust him right away was that he constantly flirted and gushed over any woman he saw, on t.v, a waitress, in a movie a magazine anyone! I was shocked at this behaviour and on the defensive constantly. he would say I was crazy and over reacting...and I kept trying to get used to it.after ten longgggg months, he's still doing it, its horrible but he now, flirts immediately in front of me, and talks about how he would have liked to have been with them ifI wasnt around, or how much he would like to have been with them. Im sick over this and I dont know why Im putting up with it. Im a nice looking intelligent woman. I have alot to offer a nice man. this man complains about taking me out for dinner,is rude, gets mean and has rage fits and wants me to pay for all my trips, and now he doesnt even want to take trips with me. its so bad. tonight he said, if we break up can I still come over to have sex once in a while and I said, I dont think so....I wonder if he's just using me for sex, probably oh my god.its weird, we have a fantastic sexual relationship and we do have fun sometimes. the problem is, all his womanizing and pushing me away , just makes me insecure and I call him constantly out of desperation to know what is going on and for reassurance that we are still good. but he hates this and is making me out to be some crazy lady or maybe he's just turning me into one. I became obsessed and was calling him constantly and I dont even know why. it was horrible. Its like Im addicted to him. no matter what he does I still want to be with him. its horrible. but lately I have been fighting back, and it feels good. Im not putting up with it anymore so if it ends tomorrow when we have our talk at five pm, it ends. I will be strong thats all.the weird thing is, if I dont call him or go out with other people he gets jealous as hell and if I say someone is handsome, I pay for it for days. he is very insecure about his intelligence, looks and is always worried about being used for money or sex. its crazy and Im becoming crazy because of his crazyness. im miserable most of the time with him, its horrible and I have to get out I know it. but I just cant break it off because he and I did once develop a bond and now its so hard to think we are going to end it maybe tomorrow. its so sad, but its crazy, I cant go on like this with him, he's sick, and he's also a voyer and has strange sick side sexually. im in too deep agggghhhh!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): i say he just with you for he could have sex with you i say breake up if i were you i would have dumped him months ago
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female
reader, swtbby44 +, writes (10 August 2007):
swtbby44 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Daniele
I think you are right about my self esteem being hurt. I loved him you know, but now we are finished. I told him off last night and said some thing about what I think of him and one thing he hates is to not be liked alot, he just cant stand it. I dont want to be his friend at all ever and he wants to continue having sex and being friends uggghhhhgghh. I cant believe it! Im very sad but in time Ill be alright I think. thanks so much for your opinion, it really made a difference.
Im going to go out with someone tonight who is nice and kind. I still feel very bad but I know in time I will move on. thats what they always say happens and I know its true even tho it doesnt feel like it now...i just wished he and I could have been happy together but he wanted his freedom more...I guess he will be a lonely old man alone in the end because he's fifty now so I dont know if he will change...
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 Madam, with time you will surely be all right. You know, when you go through hard times with someone and you break up, you might miss the relationship, but then one day you find yourself breathing fresh air and feeling relaxed. That's when you understand the relationship was bad for you. I know you will come to feel this with time.
Feel happy that the abusive behavior is over. You will find a man who will love every bit of you and will bless the land you step on.
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reader, swtbby44 +, writes (10 August 2007):
swtbby44 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks DanieleI think you are right about my self esteem being hurt. I loved this guy but its over now. I told him what I think of him and he's gone now. its sad but in time Ill be alright I think. thanks so much for your opinion, it really made a difference.
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reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 August 2007):
We can always be wrong in our opinion about people, but I think this man is not crazy. He knows you are a very good woman to be with, but he has succeeded in hurting your self-esteem so that you will feel you can't live without him.
My opinion is, you should forget about this man. Don't put up with this anymore. As you only so correctly say, you deserve better. Much, much better, I would add.
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reader, swtbby44 +, writes (8 August 2007):
swtbby44 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks wendy
Its true, I put up with alot and dont leave, lately I have been giving him his temper back without holding back and I notice he has calmed down with his temper attacks. I am going to try what you said and if he leaves me then so be it, its for the best.
I think Im a good woman who deserves better
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reader, wendy23  +, writes (8 August 2007):
 I was in the same boat with a man that I was head over heals for. we dated for 2 years, we even lived together, we would tell me that I needed to lose weight or say things like I wish you had her body, things that would make my self esteem very low, he would go out to bars and leave me at home on a friday night and come home on sunday, he said that he waan't fooling around but I knew he was I just didn't have the courage to leave him, finally I got fed up with it and told him I was leaving, this man was down on his and knees begging me not to go, come to find out it was him that needed me, not the other way around, he told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and the reason he done those things is because he thought that I would never leave him, so if I was you I would play him at his own game, pretend you don't care flirt with men or say I wish you looked liked that go out by yourself one weekend or with some friends, tell him you don't when you'll be back, trust me it worked for me and it will work for you, He thinks that he has got you around his little finger, play him at his own game, he will see what he is about to lose and wise up. Oh, and the guy that done that to me I left him and I am now married, he still tries to win me back, just try it for a week or two, it will work.
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