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female
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anonymous
writes: I've told my bf (because I want to be honest with him) that sometimes I have sexual fantasies about him which was really maybe a bad thing to do on my part because he he reacted calmly and was actually a little surprised and then he told me he never had sexual fantasies of me. I don't know why I'm bothered by this, but he is a born-again Christian, so I guess I shouldn't have expected anything different, but I thought I might have come across his mind like that in some way--although I'm glad he doesn't see me as an object, and I don't see him as one either, but I thought it was natural to have at least one thought like that--it immediately made me feel weird and I should have never told him that in the first place, but when I did, I told him I didn't do it a lot and I wasn't like obsessed over it or anything and I'd work on trying not to do it anymore..so now every now and then he asks "So, how's everything with that "thing"?" and I just tell him I don't want to talk to him about it becuuse now I'm just embarassed and feel like a perv because he's never thought of me that way--I don't know what to tell him or what to realy do to resolve this situation? Any help would be appreciated--thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): I dont know, I mean iv known born-again christian guys and myself am one too but i cant imagine why someone who you love wouldnt even have a tiny little thought like that. Kind of odd to me...I mean I dont know him but he sounds kinda stiff and him asking about that "thing".. a little too unemotional for me.
A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
You are not a perv, but he probably is. Drop him, get a guy who would really appreciate a passionate sexy lady like you. You are wasting your time on this one and religion is no excuse.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (21 December 2005):
 So the cat's out of the bag. Good! At least your on the right track to an honest relationship. It's always been my experience to hope that the opposite sex could find me in a sexual fantasy with them. The fact that she would tell me is even better because I want to know that I'm thought about. Being explicit about the fantasy that would actually depend but I wouldn't condemn her for it. I think your approach to honesty is GREAT! As for him being a christian I think GREAT! Does he tell you about GOD and JESUS? or does he hide his true feelings about them? Communication is the first step and only step towards a great relationship. Fantasies are healthy and natural. I think I would have a problem with your letter if it were a fantasy about someone else and you told him or if he bacame upset about it. Born again christian's should be taught to value everyone's opinion wether they believe it right or wrong is illrelevant. The only rule to that applies when the slander GOD or JESUS then that needs to be addressed immediately. As for you acerting your wants and needs upon him I say keep it up as at least your "thing" has raised an issue with him. I am a christian and when I die I will go to heaven but while I'm here I will be happy with the life GOD has given me. So if you think you should be embarassed about the way you feel then DON'T. It's totally natural and he understands that. As long as you don't hurt him physically or emotionally I'd say conjure up another one with you and him. Good luck. Sincerely Ed.
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A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (21 December 2005):
 religion has got nothing to do with it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005): He might be christian, hon.... but he's not dead! It sounds like he didn't mind you telling him about your sexual fantasies. He asks you about it from time to time because it's likely you 'turned him on' and these thoughts you have had about him...are intriquing him. Don't worry about it. I think it's kinda cute that he reacted like a gentleman. It probably made him feel pleasantly surprised. Don't feel bad or ashamed about your sexuality...that's what makes you human. If you two are dating...the topic of sex will come up. It's natural.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005): Lighten up! You did nothing wrong! You have sexual feelings, and he is/was a safe outlet to think about. Some people are very visual with their fantasies, and having one about him means that you are also wanting that emotional intimacy in a sexual relationship, which is very positive and healthy. So I interpret your fantasy as sexual feelings with someone you feel emotionally connected to and trust. No problem. You're fine.
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