A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years and its a nightmare, we love eachother but argue alot. Since I have known him he has never tried to talk about a future with me, we have been on holiday twice together. I am 25 still live at home with mum and dad, he is 29 still lives at home with his mum and dad. I really wanna move out but he keeps fobbing me off saying his not ready yet, maybe next year but he wont suggest a time next year to start any proceedings for a future. I have only ever asked for a rough idea, some sort of promise. Whenever I suggest this he gets really angry and insulting and doesnt answer me. He keeps saying his not ready but he's nearly thirty. He keeps using our rows against us, but i dont know why he stays with me if he doesn't wanna make a future. We only row because i want it to go somewhere.Am i wrong or shall i just wait for him no matter how long it takes? I always thought when a guy knows they are with the right girl they would do anything to be with them. One very sad and depressed girl.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 I agree with Emily. He's with you because you give him what he needs. Sometime ago I read that people are not really afraid of commitment, as such, but of commitment with a person in particular. I guess this is his case. He doesn't want to commit to you, period.
You have the last word on this, but, if I were you, I would think about ending the relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): Hi not sure if we are allowed to recommend books but if so take a look at love tactics basically it says that you should Never Reausure A Committment-Phobic Man he seems to have everything he wants from you without having to lift a finger. Perhaps you should take a break from him pursuue your own dreams goals etc if he doesnt want to lose you it may spur him into action if not you will be on your way to rebuiling a happy and sucessful life without him. I wish you every luck and success in the future.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (12 August 2008):
You say you don't know why he stays with you.... It's fairly obvious, he knows he can get what he wants from you without ever having to give up anything and if you try and change he knows he can just do you down till you go away.
I'm sorry sweetie but this guy has written door mat all over your face.
It is your choice whether you stay with him or not. But if you do stay with him then I think you'll be waiting a very long time for him to want to move out.
I think men only treat women like this because women let them get away with it.
If you tell him you are sick of waiting and are moving on to find a relationship with a real grown up then you might find he suddenly is ready to talk. But he won't change unless you make him.
In my opinion he is only holding you back. If he is not making you happy then don't be with him. As you rightly say, when a guy finds the girl of his dreams they will do anything to be with them... all this guy has to do is shout at you and insult you a bit and hey presto, you'll do what he wants.
Good Luck!! xx
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