A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am currently in a major dilemma. My fiancé and I are close in age.Until I met her and never had a serious relationship. I saved myself for the person I honestly thought I would marry. She told me her past a month into the relationship (in explicit detail) Well I had a very very hard time trying to accept it. I was raised in a very conservative lifestyle and the way she talked about her past, her decisions, the things she did, etc was something I always knew if I ran into in a relationship I would struggle with greatly.There’s more to this than just me having trouble with her past she has spent 2 years lying nonstop about things both small and big and from the past, present and future. She would hide things, information, and other stuff from me all the time and would break almost every single promise she would ever make. I have zero trust at all in her for ever more. I know she cares but I can never believe a word she says anymore or that she is telling me the full truth or has I got engaged to her a year ago.At the time I was having issues with her past but right after getting engaged and we started thinking about long term things it got extremely bad, part of the added problem was I was diagnosed with add and given medication, which helped me focus and have part of the missing energy I used to have a few years ago. This allowed me to seriously break down her past and it was so detailed in how it was broke down in my head that I had visualizations, could hear the sounds, think the thoughts, feel the passion and pleasure and such of her and her past sexual exploits, it was so bad and still is that I literally get physically ill and in pain from it.Along with this all I have been sick nonstop, my parent passed, my college education is on the brink of failure and I lost my job due to being sick. I was already having a crisis of beliefs a few years ago and was struggling with how strongly I believed my Christian upbringing, which I know doesn’t help either.Also there’s more to this than just all of the lying, hiding things, breaking promises and stuff. She was talking to her ex for a little over a year about very private parts of our lives and even our sex lives, she even told him the details about her gynaecologist visit.... this is the same ex that was her first boyfriend, she was secretly engaged to for two years, and during a rough patch in our relationship almost cheated on me with. She was having second thoughts and I had to threaten the relationship just to keep her from visiting and staying the night over with that ex-boyfriend..... She stopped talking to him about 6 months ago.She not only talked to her ex Bfs about our sex lives but also her mom, friends and even just general acquaintances. She knew my most private and intimate secret and told her friend about it and told her to hide it from me and lie to me that she knew about it and even talked with her friend about my penis (described it), what it was like doing things with me sexually, and her friend joked with her about how’ ‘cute'' my penis must be..... I am a very private person and every single private detail in my life has been told to pretty much everyone she knows...Here more recently she has actually been starting to be honest even if it's brutally hard to listen too, she’s been not hiding things as much and been trying her best to fix the relationship, but I feel like it is too little too late. Not only does her past relationships haunt my thoughts but so does my mistrust for her and that she might be hiding things from me.
View related questions:
cheated on me, christian, engaged, her ex, her past, my penis Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): You have explicit thougths about her past. Means it will haunt you for sure, You know she lies and break promises, has a tendency to cheat and she cant keep a secret blah blah Get out before its too late.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 February 2013):
 I'm no good at telling folks how to accept the past.
search for retroactive Jealousy and the poster YOS who has the best info on that....
for me personally, I think you need to consider ending it sooner rather than later. you don't trust her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI apologise, I should have attached a question with the original message, my question would be what would be the best way to try and accept the past and move on and then secondly if you think i will ever really be able to accept it (from your own experiences and point of views) and move on or will I most likely just end up breaking up. Or be better off breaking up in general?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 February 2013):
You have issues with her past (strike one)
She lies to you (strike two)
You don’t trust her (strike three)
She breaks promises (part of lying but it’s a big issue)
You don’t ask a question… you just list all the things that are wrong.
How can we help you?
Personally, I don't think you will ever trust her and for me trust is crucial. it's more important than anything else.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (4 February 2013):
I think talking to friends about your sex life is something some teenagers and young adults do. Since I met my ex I didn't want to talk about our sex life. It's something that people grow out of.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): It sound like "too little too late" is right.
This girl is so far from the right type of girl for you that I don't even know which problem to bring up first. She might be trying to clean up her act. (or might not.) But that does not obligate you to stay with her if you want and/or need to end it.
I think you need to move on. You have that feeling for good reason.
...............................
|
