A
male
age
30-35,
*azzedUp
writes:I'm a junior in high school. I am 17 and I really like a 14 year old. She says she really likes me back, and we've known each other for over 6 months. However, her mother is the obstacle standing in the way. I met her mother by coincidence and she was greatly impressed by me, and even told the girl she would think about letting us date because I was so nice. But while I wait for her "verdict" I'm slowly decaying on the inside, I fear she will not let me see her and it will tear me and the girl apart. We had once considered dating secretly, but she doesn't feel right hiding things from her mother. Not that I would let her. If we were caught, (not that we would have sex, we both believe in waiting) her parents would take away all of her privacy, and she's just now getting started in high school. I can't do that to her, no matter how strongly I feel. I can see it's coming down to choosing between what is right and what I want...and I know I'm going to pick what's best for her, not me. She'll be alright without me, I know she deserves much more, and I what her to be happy above all...but I still feel like I am rotting away from the inside because I'm almost sure I'm going to lose her...Can anyone help me? Please. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Let me ask you something. Does this girl have a mind, and can she make choices? If so, why not give her a chance to decide what's best for her. If you're certain you'd be loosing her, then step aside. How long has it been since you met the mother? If it was last night, this question is extremely premature. If it were over a week or a couple of weeks, then you may decide to move on. However, do so honorably. Contact the mother, thank her for her consideration, and use terms as you used her regarding putting aside the outcome you want for what is seemingly right for her daughter. That way, she sees the honor and best intent for her daughter that you have.
Parents can be skeptical with this age gap. In society it's reasonable for her parents to see "17, must be sexually active," "14 inexperienced and possibly not sexually active", and by mixing the two can provide the parents with what they do not want. But by stating in her best interest, what you're doing is showing them something that is rarely found within your age group. That is your willing to sacrifice on behalf of their daughter.
I know this because in answering questions and counseling teens and adults for the time I have, I can honestly say, you're the first or your age that has stated the willingness to give up a desire, carry the pain of the loss, for the possible happiness of another. You may not notice it, but someone raised you right. A selfless act of this sort is nothing less than honorable. Cary this way of being into adulthood, and whoever you marry will be lucky to have found someone with this level of foundational character.
I hope all works out for you. Take care.
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