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Her lack of support in this situation is making me re-think dating her

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2013) 7 Answers - (Newest, 1 December 2013)
A male United States age , anonymous writes:

HELLO EVERY ONE,well ive been seeing some one for acouple weeks, was ask over to her daughters house for thanksgiven, she lives their. Well every thing was going great, then her daughter ex husband showed up, invited, but with in five minutes he started to argue to me, about politics,I was a guess, this guy who I never met before, acted like he wanted to fight, I yelled back , but then out of respect, five minutes, I left, he don't know how close he cam e to get his head knock off. Well today I get a tex saying I was wrong yelling back, he like to yell, they told me, I should of just kept my mouth shut,I tex back an said I was sorry, for what happened,but they act like it was my fault, I like her , so should I tex her back, since she didnt stick up for me , i've known her over thirty years.I guess every one lets him yell, but am a man an you don't get in the face, some body you don't know, but i've always liked her all these years, an finally,gettin the chance to be with her, I thought. thanks

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (1 December 2013):

Ciar agony auntYour president has paid security personnel to protect him. He doesn't need you to help ruin a Thanksgiving dinner on his behalf.

It might be best if you don't contact her then. This lady friend wants a simple, enjoyable life with a partner who compliments it. Not someone she has to worry about and clean up after. It was good while it lasted so neither leaves empty handed.

Best of luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Some times you can't just, let some one walk all over you.

You have to stand up for your president, when they are calling him names, saying lies, when they are one sided, she text me back said I was in the wrong. I do like her, since I was a kid,but I will not text her back, her daughter divorced that guy for some reason, so no one said , if I should talk to her again.thank you again.dear cupid

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (30 November 2013):

Honeypie agony auntErrr TYPO I meant she shouldn't have stuck up for you....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (30 November 2013):

Honeypie agony auntWho yells at a total stranger?

I mean really? I don't just refer to you, but to the ex-husband. The thing is though as RUDE as he was, the women WERE/ARE used to him being an ass, but for you to join in, that was over the top.

You are old enough to say, I will agree to disagree and not discuss this topic further. YOU didn't have to go into a yelling content over politics.. ON Thanksgiving no less.

No she should have stuck up for you. YOU should have acted like a GROWN ASS man and TOLD the PUNK of a ex-son-in-law that it's NOT an appropriate subject for a lovely dinner.

I think you need to re-think your own behavior too.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (30 November 2013):

Ciar agony auntThe ex was extremely rude for bringing up politics to begin with, for the way he expressed his views and for becoming combative with a guest. You were equally in the wrong for allowing yourself to be baited and just as rude for helping to create a very unpleasant atmosphere for the women.

The women had planned what they thought would be a nice Thanksgiving dinner It's not up to women to clean up after men.

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (30 November 2013):

like I see it agony auntHer daughter's ex was in the wrong for

a) talking politics with company in the first place, which is very poor etiquette; and

b) becoming increasingly rude to you, a guest in the house, when you disagreed with him.

In all honesty I do not believe she herself owed you any kind of defense. You were two grown men having a conversation she didn't start. You say you've only been dating her a few weeks - do you even know her political views on every subject? Maybe she agreed with her daughter's ex but was too polite to take either side, his or yours... but that's not even relevant, really. It might have been good manners for her to apologize for his misbehavior, but there's nothing that says she had to. She wasn't the one in your face, ready to fight you about it.

That said, lots of people disagree over politics and it doesn't generally escalate almost to the point of physical violence. I'm guessing you were a little heated yourself when defending your own views. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango, and sometimes it's not WHAT you are saying so much as HOW you are saying it that really sets people off.

The family has made it clear to you that he's not going anywhere and that everyone else accepts his bad behavior, which implies to me that you will be expected (by them) to do the same. If you continue seeing this woman, you are probably best served to simply refrain from discussing controversial subjects with her former son-in-law.

Good luck and best wishes as you work through this.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (30 November 2013):

Aunty BimBim agony auntThe ex husband who likes to yell is always going to be part of the scene, especially if your lady lives with their daughter.

Yes, you were a guest in that house, and as such the family, the lady, her daughter and the ex husband, should have treated you as such.

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