A
male
age
36-40,
*aul5263
writes:Soooo im just gonna get straight to the point here. I met a girl about 5-6 months ago, went on a few dates and we got on very well. About a month into seeing her she tells me she has 3 kids, 4, 6 and 8. Now at the time this didnt bother me, ive seen girls in the past who have got kids and it's never made any difference. About 2-3 month ago she said she wanted me to meet her kids so i agreed. I see the kids quite often now and the thing that's bothering me is it feel's like it's starting to get a little intense. Like the kids are starting to look up to me as their father. I get on with kids very well (mailnly because i still consider meself to be a big kid anyway lol) but it seems like there starting to get attached to me. I've kinda started not going around as much and now she's starting to ask questions, says im acting funny and what have you. I know if i try to explain ths to her she's not going to see it like i see it, because shes very protective of her kids. My question is: am i looking into this situation to much? Sometimes i just think i'm being daft but i just cant see this relationship been forever and i dont wanna let the kids down again in the future.Any help or insight would be more than appreciatedcheers. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 December 2012):
 I agree with most of the aunts.
she invited you to meet the kids that was the cue it was serious in her mind.
you don't see it as being permanent, you must be honest with her about this.
she will be hurt
the kids can easily get attached so if you pull away no rather than later it's better for them.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Hi
Your being very adult about this situation.You can see her children are getting way too attached and don't want this to happen.Thats putting her children before you, which is good.
If you really can't see the relationship going anywhere long-term then it's time to be honest with your girlfriend,explain why you've stopped going round as much.Then consider finishing it,for her sake more than anything as she clearly thinks its more than a little serious.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): "My question is: am i looking into this situation to much?"
No, your concerns regarding the kids are valid and legitimate. You are not their father and you don't have a legal relationship with their mother (marriage, blood, adoption) so in the eyes of the law you are a legal stranger to them.
Very unfair and short-sighted of a mother to introduce a new boyfriend/total stranger to her children with the implication that he is a surrogate father figure.
If you don't see this relationship as being forever, and that is quite realistic given the short-term duration of your acquaintance, then you should detaching from the children. They've already been through enough trauma with the loss of their father (or fathers, if she has multiple baby daddies), very questionable judgment to introduce her kids to mom' latest overnight bedroom guest so soon.
For the kids' sake, you should cut all ties as it appears their mother is putting her libido ahead of her children's best interests, I would not be surprised if she resorted to using the kids as a pawn to emotionally blackmail you into staying with her.
She is a mother doing her children a great disservice, don't enable her and don't allow her to use the kids as a weapon or heart-tug against you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): I agree with all the aunts and uncles posts, different parts I may add..For instance you are lucky the kids like you .. Butt I think nearly a year of dating should give you a gauge of whether this girl, with her happy brood is the one.. Does she make you tick, do you miss her when she not there.. Etc if the answer is I can go days and not think of her and its more a friend with benefits relationship for me.. Then move on.. As certainly I don't think she see it like that, she is hoping that you two will become more solid ..So please don't waste her time.. Tell her you like her but your not in love with her, it will hurt her but what your doing is more cruel.. Your leading her on and she believes that you could be the one, that why she introduced you to her kids..Be kind, be thoughtful, as I do think you could be one of the good guys, she just not for you .. But don't let it carrying on let her move on to met mr right and maybe just maybe you may just find you lost a hood thing.. Who knows..Merry crimbo when it comes.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Kids really put you to the test, whether you are real or not. When you said you don't mind single moms you meant for the time being she is good companion. When single moms ask you to meet kids it usually means they are interested in long term, and want to see where you fit in the picture. It does not mean hey spend time, hang out with my kids, they are fun. Time for single moms are very precious. Yes she will be hurt. I think she already knows why you are acting funny. Liking kids and wanting to be a parent are two different things. You are not looking into it too much. Actually, you didn't think ahead enough and were just going along with the flow.
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A
male
reader, scottmartinez2012 +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Firstly, I agree with dylan1 that you are really lucky. & Secondly i think you should continue hanging out with her kids and her cause
a) Even though her kids would look up to you as a father figure. But you being a BIG KID would actually make the girl in this situation think twice to even go ahead with this relationship cause she would want a mature guy.
b) You get to spend more time with regardless of this relationship not going forever.
c) It would be her who would want to move out and so break up won't be that difficult.
d) I know being a 22-25 bloke you must be adventurous and all but just for now you can chill and relax.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): Hi, If there is no future with this woman, why dont you let her go. Obviously anyone in a relationship thinks evrything is going well and there is potential long term commitment.
I agree with you that it is in the kids interest not to get attached to you if you are not in for the long haul, but that applies to this "girlfriend" too.
Sounds to me you are just using her till someone better comes along. End things now and spare her and the kids the pain.
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