A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. Ive been in a relationship for five years, but its been extremely difficult lately. My girlfriend has always been very insecure and is always breaking down in tears. I am always very compassionate towards this but its started to drain me mentally and physically over the past year. Ive become depressed and anxious myself and can't seem to function properly socially or in work. My girlfriend thinks Ive lost interest because I am not being as compassionate as I have been in the past. She doesnt seem to understand that all of the breakdowns are causing me distress. I don't want to break up with her and can't tell her that I'm fed up with her breakdowns, but its driving me into the ground. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Im such a jealous person and its killing my relationship. I never used to be insecure, was always popular, felt attractive and sexy, always laughing. Have been with the most wonderful man for 2 years and for the past 6 months, Ive constantly been having a go at him and making digs about him being unfaithful. Its stupid as I know he isnt. Everyone has told me how honest and genuine he is, he has never given me any cause for concern yet I cant stop thinking he will go off and cheat on me as there are many better women out there than me and how on earth could he turn them down if they wanted to be with him. He is getting fed up with it now and everytime I make a dig, he gets very angry at me and we have a massive row. I hate being like this and vow everytime to change but I never do. I create scenes and trouble where there isnt any. I lie awake at night and imagine him going out and cheating on me. I know he is at the end of his tether though he says he isnt but like he says, its the same old thing time and time again with me and it really annoys him now.
A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (12 February 2007):
 Did you just take her on because she didn't have any problems or because you found out you loved her?
You need to give that a good hard look.
No matter what you are putting up with because of her, she is putting up with trouble ten times worse.
It may sound harsh but if you truly love her you will deal with it.
Trust me, I don't say this without knowing. My wife has had problems with depression and anxiety for many years and has just recently taken herself off medication. She occasionally needs to take a pill for the times she has trouble coping but those are getting to be less and less.
Hang in there. There is hope and she definately needs your support. Doc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): You should tell her that it makes you feel very sad when she is having break downs, explain to her that you love her very much, but feel that you cannot help her the way she needs to be helped. Tell her you want to support her totally, and try and get her to go and see a counsilor who will be able to help her get her life on track. Tell her that you will go with her to support her all the way. Tell her you love her so much and how stressed it makes you feel when you see her so upset, explain to her it breaks your heart because you feel so helpless because things never seem to move forward, and you only want the best for her and want her to be happy reassure her that you will always be there for her and you will be by her side all the time while she seeks help from someone that can help her step forward
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (12 February 2007):
 If the breakdowns are all the time then it's no wonder you're getting emotionally exhausted by them. The truth is that however much you want to, you can't be the person who is there for her. It sounds like she might need professional help and you might be the only one who can suggest that to her. Tell her you want her to do it cos you love her and want to see her happy. Tell her she still has your support but you don't think you can be the only person to shoulder her problems. Hopefully this will spur her into action. If not you might need to think again about whether you can continue this relationship.
CD
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