A
male
age
51-59,
*estcoast love
writes:I moved in with a girl two years ago after talking on the phone for several months quite extensively about mutual our desires to have a family and and finally meeting in San Francisco.She flew out to meet me from the east coast. We had a great time that weekend and had sex the first night we spent together. We parted basically 'in love'...or so I thought. After I moved into her home on the east coast things were great between us. After about two months she had to go back to her home town and help out with a family matter for about a week or so and we decided that I would spend that week with my family on the west coast. After the week ended we blissfully rejoined each other in her home on the east coast and continued to live together in a 'committed relationship'. About a month later we found out she was pregnant and the joys of family were soon to be realized.Several months into the pregnancy she again had to go back to her home town for family business and I again went back to my home on the west coast ...still i love with this girl. During the time we spent together she was always harping on my past relationship with my ex wife and was daily accusing me of still wanting to be with her or that my ex wanted to be with me which I denied due to the fact that my ex and I had not been together for over 9 years. We still had business dealings together but no intimacy and limited contact which ws exclusively by phone.Anyways long story short 6months after the child was born during one of our talks she out of the blue tells me that the child is not mine and that she had an affiar the first time she want back to her home town. Mind you I had told all my friends , family and anyone else that I was a new father. We shared pictures, video web cam of the baby....the whole nine yards. I thought and had no reason to believe otherwise that I was the father. I can remember many times when she told me while in tears because we were not married that I was not to ever ever say that I was not the father because we had been together 24/7 and there was no way that I was not the father..I agreed for as far as I knew we hade been together 24/7.In essence she lied to me and my family for over 16 months knowing that I was not the father and that she had been carrying on an affair with this man all the while accusing me of still having feeling for my ex almost daily. She is ambivalent about wanting a continued relationship with me but doesn't trust me.....we never get to have a discussion about her infidelity other than for her to remark that she didn;t cheat because our relationship was 'new'......HELP!! I really love this woman but these and other inconsistencies are driving me crazy.
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affair, ex-wife, infidelity, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, westcoast love +, writes (21 January 2009):
westcoast love is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have tried talking to her. She is either only wanting to talk about the baby or my business or sometimes just be silent on the phone while we or I listen to the baby go to sleep. Then again often she doesn't want to talk about anything at all and makes it sem like she is doing me a favor by just picking up the phone. When I don't call for a day or two and give her some space I am then accused of not being interested in her. It seems we are talking two different languages....if she hates me so much why does she still call me or take my calls? If we are broken up,why the ambivalence one moment and then a day or so later she is starting to warm up to the possibility of an 'us' again?
It seems that when we talk about everyday life or the problems going on in her life things are good or at least getting there...but when things turn around to talk about us or my business she acts like I am the cause for her frustrated life being an unwed mother ect ect......
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): She's definitely inconsistent. I'd maybe call her something else... !@#$%^&*() sorry I won't go that far. Okay, so what you need to do is confront her, sternly, and tell her exactly what you just asked in the above question. Then, if she understands and you figure out a way to deal, give her the best time of her life. Blow her mind out. You know what I mean. But first, talk to her.
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