A
male
age
41-50,
*ooJuBe
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and things have been going really well. We just moved in together, got a dog, the whole 9 yards. Last week I went out of town for some gigs (I am a musician) and while I was gone, she had a party at the house. Some guy was there who she connected with and after hours of conversation and little bit of sleep...with her on the bed and him on the floor...he asks if he can sleep in the bed. She said yes. I guess he tried to make a move, but since he was such a "respectful" guy...he didn't push the issue. Great. I trust her inasmuch as she's telling the truth. She's always been the type of person to push boundries. But in this case she hesitated in telling me what happened because of how I was going to react. I'm guessing she knew how I was going to feel...which right now I feel like I want to throw up.She's a strong person, KNOWS what she's doing and also knows situations. In this case she walked that line knowing perfectly well how SHE was feeling (friendly flirty) meanwhile other dude was thinking something else. No big deal...to her. So this hesitation in telling me everything has breached some trust and now I'm questioning everything. Is this relationship right? How much "testing" should I be expected to take?
View related questions:
flirt, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): It sounds as though your girlfriend is taking liberties. If she really knows what she is doing and is such a strong person, how an earth did she even get into that situation in the first place? And as for this guy, is he just some random from the party, a stranger or what? Imagine of the situation was the other way? would she put up with it? Some girl yo connect with and asks if she can jump in bed with you? mmmmm? I wonder how she would feel then?I don't know the situation or where your relationship stands, but from my point of view and beliefs of a ' normal and respected' relationship. Your partner should not be in bed with another random guy. Your girlfriend is not strong! She is just taking the piss! The more you put up with it, the more she will push it and knows she can get away with pretty much anything at this stage. You need to have a look at what you want and what makes you happy. You need to discuss all your problems and issues out. Resolve them asap, otherwise you will see this develop to an angry, disrespectful, untrustworthy and unhealthy relationship. Hope all goes well. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): Curious, if she didn't want to tell you, how did you find out in the end?
More importantly, does she realize how uncomfortable she makes you feel by this action?
I'd tell her calmly how this makes you feel. Don't accuse and don't jump to conclusions. Focus on how YOU feel rather than was SHE did/allowed.
If she's really a strong person, she probably felt in control of herself in this situation no matter what the other guy was thinking. Yes, giving in and letting a guy sleep in her bed is pushing it...I'd be uncomfortable too. Make her aware of how you feel about it, for the future. State your case, then let it go and move on, as a lack of trust will just poison the relationship. Give her benefit of the doubt this time if you trust that nothing happened. You're the one who knows her. Clearly let her know that YOU need for the bed to be "officially" off limits for any guy other than you, even if it's more comfortable than the floor. Sometimes you need to state exactly what the line is for you and never assume you are both on the same page. Then you just have to give the benefit of the doubt no matter how tough. Be aware of other signs, take mental notes, but don't overreact, panic or assume the worst. It's hard, but it's worth it. I've pushed "boundaries" too with guys other than my partner, but never crossed a line and wouldn't cross a line.
...............................
|
