A
male
age
51-59,
*amz1
writes:I've been in a new relationship about three months. I could get into the details of our relationship let me say its Good on all levels. I trust her.when she goes out with her friend i don't question her although it is a bit fustating, but im not trying to crowd her of course. We can't constantly see each other every single day of course i want this relationship to work. I was married to a chronical liar and im trying to trust and be optmistic and not let what happened to me in the past into this relationship. The other day i invited her to come to my house and have a bbq so she could meet my eldest son. She told me that her female friend X had called her and asked her to go to the beach. Then two days later she told me that she reached out to her female friend X to see if she wanted to join her and the girls at the beach. Right away my wall went straight up and i got mad i didnt question her on it i just left it alone and now im seething. She didnt relize she messed up and I'm afraid to talk to her about it. What do i do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 The way I understood it, the question title is a bit misleading. It sounds that your problem is that you caught your gf in a lie, not that she wants to spend time with friends.
It sounds to me as hers was the typical social " white lie ".
She did not have the courage to speak uo and say " Look, I am not interested in meeting your eldest son and I'd much rather spend my day at the beach with my girlfriends " because she was afraid to come off as uncating or impolite or both, and she was afraid you'd freak out and take it badly.
So, she made it sound as she had a previous engagement she could not easily get away from.
You can bring this up. You can tell her that you want open, clear and honest communication between you, and that she can tell you anything she thinks without having to fear being judged , criticized or antagonized. You may not always agree with her ideas and decisions, but you'll respect them and you won't freak out.
Then, though : you have to actually do it :)- not to freak out, not to seethe, not to sulk, not to overreact...
Because I think that, if she felt she could not simply say " thanks but no thanks, I prefer going to the beach ..." it's because there's already a problem, she already knows or suspects you 'd have taken a straight no thanks in the wrong way, as rejection or disrespect.
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