A
male
age
41-50,
*idney Poitier
writes:I wonder if someone could offer me good advice? Deep breath, as I don't know where to start with this one :). I'm 26 and have been having a rather hard time of it for the last nine months. I met a girl on the first day of a university course we were both on. She is 22. The attraction was instant and gradually, over time, we found many, many things in common. Although we had both been in several relationships previously we both though that they paled in comparison. We really do feel like we were 'made for each other'. Everything is seemingly perfect, but there is one major snag. Try as I might, and I've tried sleeping pills, everything, I can't seem to sleep with her. It's absolutely heart-breaking. I never had this before. I wonder if it's because we are too similar, all sorts of things. We are both very passionate, very driven and hard-working, and really love life. But we are also both anxious people, and I feel like she makes me anxious, though completely unintentionally. She really tries to help, bless her. I got so worn down that I was mentally and physically in a terrible way. In the end, I didn't know what to do. She and I really want a future together, with all that entails. Desperate, I left the course and, eventually, left the country in a bid to get over her and move on. We were hurting so bad, and I lay awake at night feeling terible for how much I have hurt her emotionally. But I really don't know what to do. I feel like forces beyong my control don't want us to be together or something. And her ex-boyfriend, who is a very nice man, but whom she forgot because of me, is back on the scene, offering a house and stability, all things I cannot give to her now. It's so heart-rending, we love each other so much, we want each other to be happy, what to do? Any thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gem86 +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Hey, sorry seems like ur going through a rough time right now. Reading this though, has kind of made me think thats its not the ex boyfriend who is causing the heart ache. If you both love each other as much as you say, he's not going to be an issue. As someone else has said, if she loves you, shes not going to leave you. You should tell her what she means to you.
But it does seem like you have some issues of your own. You say you can't sleep with her, have you thought maybe you should talk to someone about this? Im not any kind of expert, but if its emotional reasons as to why you can't physically sleep in the same bed (thats how I read it anyway, rather than a sexual way), shouldnt you be trying to work out why that is?
You could also try some practical steps too, like both getting a routine when it comes to sleep. As someone who is quite an anxious person, relaxing before bed is really important. I suggest talking to your doctor about all this.
Anyhoo I hope Ive understood properly what you wrote, and that you get it sorted out. Take care xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): If she loves you, she won't leave you. Just make sure she knows how you feel.
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