A
male
age
30-35,
*aydenryder
writes:I am 19 yrs old and have been dating my girlfriend Jillian,who is 18 for a little over 8 months now. From the very beginning her family really liked me, I get along great with her brother and sister, and her parents loved me. We have a great relationship , we get along great, we never fight and I adore her. Now all of a sudden and for no reason her dad hates me, every time I am around he is short and harsh, he rolls his eyes at my every movement or when ever I talk. He was never this way before, it has been going on for a month now and I honestly have no idea what I did. I am respectful towards him and his daughter. I listen and respect his house rules. I have done nothing wrong. I need help trying to figure out why this guy could go from loving me to hating me for no reason. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 He's already forgiven you, you impressed him by dealing with things like a man... he didn't ban you, he only asked you to slow down.. I think this man will become a friend if you treat his daughter and family with respect.. again, well done on you.
A
male
reader, haydenryder +, writes (10 September 2010):
haydenryder is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, I am pretty proud of myself ha! And yes I will be much more careful, normally I do keep my hands to myself when they are around but I honestly thought that her family was a sleep and that we were alone. Its hard to get alone time when we both live at home with our parents. My parents are a much more open minded about stuff so I guess we will be spending more time here.
Thanks again!
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Good job. There's no reason to be intimidated by him now, just be conscious of your future actions and show respect. For the record, no groping your girlfriend anywhere near her parents, especially her father. That goes for all the rest of you younger guys out there reading this thread here.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 September 2010):
Absolutely brilliantly handled, man to man, you forced him to be truthful and tell you exactly what was wrong. Agree with Tish, you have every reason to be proud of yourself. Now, be bloody carefully, keep your hands to yourself until you can swear that you have totally privacy. As you now know, this guy sleeps with one eye open any time your around..
lol.. In a perfect world, you and Jillian will stay together forever, and one day have perfect daughters that look just like her, and as you get older, you will act just like your father-in-law.... hahahaha.. be careful, have fun.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Ah. Now at least you know what is upsetting him. He's had a chance to tell you and from what you wrote, you handled yourself very well. You reiterated that you cared about his daughter and that you wanted nothing but her happiness. He should be feeling better about this now that he's had a chance to tell you why he's been upset with you.
So he thinks you are an overly hormonal teenager and that you are getting too physical with his daughter. Not too surprising, his job is to take care of his daughter and you are the guy who may take her away from him and her mother.
I think your best bet is to tell him that you've had a good long think about what he said and that you will continue to respect him and the house rules (I guess you might have broken one?). The irony in this is that he was once a 19 year old hormonal teenager himself. So this is kind of his payback. I've always said that teenage daughters are the universe's revenge on former teenaged boys turned dads.
I think you should tell your girlfriend that you've been caught out and that you need to cool it around her dad. He's going to be watching you very closely and it will take some time to win back his trust. I think you have taken a huge step today and this is a much better place to be in that to be in the dark wondering what you did to offend him. Maybe someday, you and he will be able to laugh about this.
You did very well, I think, you should be proud of the way you handled it. Well done.
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A
male
reader, haydenryder +, writes (10 September 2010):
haydenryder is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell I went over and talked to him, I told him that I noticed that he seemed to be upset with me and asked what I could have done to make him feel that way. I also told him how much it meant to me that he like me because I really cared about Jillian and wanted to make her happy. At first he seemed annoyed and he started saying that I had disrespected him and when I asked how he said he didnt want to talk me and asked me to leave. I didnt want to cause any problems so I went and told Jillian that I had to go and then he came in and asked if he could talk to me. He said he didnt mean to be rude but he was upset with what had happened a few weeks ago. My mind was racing trying to remember anything at all that could have upset him and I got nothing so I told him I didnt think I had done anything and asked what it was that made him so upset. He said that a few weeks ago after everyoen went to bed, Jillian and I were watching a movie and he got up for something and he seen us on the couch. As soon as he said it I remembered that we were making out and there was A LOT of over the clothes touching. He said even hough I may have thought it was innocent he was upset that I would do that in his house and that if we werent there what would I have tried to do. He said that it was aparent that I was "an overly hormonal teenager" and that it made he reconsider if I was the right guy for his daughter. I told him I loved Jillian and that I would never do anything to disrespect her or him in any way. He really didnt say other then the fact that maybe we shoulf slow our relationship down and that I should reconsider my actions before thinking with other parts of my body other then my brain. I let him say his what he needed to say before I told him I was sorry that my actons upset him and I left. I'm not sure if it helped but I do hope it did.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (9 September 2010):
In addition to what Tisha said:
Keep eye contact. DON'T stare at your feet!
Be sure with your words. Don't use "ummmm" a lot.
Don't approach the conversation like you did anything wrong. As Tisha said, be positive. Your intentions are good so don't think otherwise. This doesn't have to be a huge "heart to heart" with him, just clearing the air. If he's a good man then he'll appreciate you taking the initiative and approaching him in a "man to man" way.
Is her brother older than her? If so you could try talking to him instead. Though I recommend talking to the father first and foremost, if you are THAT worried about it and have a better relationship with her brother you could try that.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2010):
Off the top of my head:
Her dad saw you checking out some other girls.
He saw you talking too closely with another girl and it looked like you could be a cheater.
He overheard something you said to a friend about having sex with your girlfriend.
He saw texts between you two and now is wound up about how serious it is getting.
He found out your parents are __________ (something awful, unacceptable, weird, strange, whatever might fit).
Her pharmacy called to get permission to refill her contraceptive pill prescription.
She has run up a huge texting/phone/internet access bill, all because she's talking to you.
She's changing her life plans because you are now in the picture.
You lasted longer than the last guy and she seems very serious about you.
He has serious financial/business/career issues and is grumpy to EVERYONE.
"Mr. H, sir, could I speak with you in private? I have to say that I respect and admire you and as you know I care a great deal for your daughter. I believe I have been nothing but respectful toward her and you and her mother, and I am concerned that I have somehow offended you. It's nothing I can exactly describe, but I am getting the impression that you don't like me any more. This troubles me, as I care for your daughter very much and want nothing more than to make her happy."
You may not like what you hear next, so be prepared. Don't get defensive, be positive, upright and sincere. Do not become aggressive or angry.
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A
male
reader, haydenryder +, writes (9 September 2010):
haydenryder is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, I have talked to my gf about this before and even she said she has no idea why he is acting this way. I know that back during the July 1st fire works that I kissed her while we were watching them with her family but it was just a kiss not a huge make out session. And his attitude didn't change for a few weeks after that.
@laughalot2010 - yes, we are sexually active but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know that.
I want to talk to him but I don't know how or what to say, I don't want to make things worse. I really love Jillian and I don't want this to screw things up.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (9 September 2010):
Is there ANY possible reason that you can think of for the change? Something you did differently, no matter how innocent you may think it was? Could your girlfriend have said something out of the ordinary at some point?
With your girlfriend's consent you could try talking to him. As in the past, you would have to do so with respect. But try talking to him alone, Man to Man. You just need to be prepared for whatever it is he says.
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male
reader, The Realist +, writes (9 September 2010):
 He may be going through the phase of he knows what you do (sexually) with his daughter and still thinks of her as his little girl. This will pass with time and the best thing for you to do is keep being the respectful, caring guy that you are to her and her family and the dad will come to realize that you are here for the right reasons and will like you once again.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Hard to say if you can't put a finger on it, I sure can't. Maybe ask your girlfriend, she knows her Dad better than you. Maybe her Mom?
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female
reader, LaughAlot2010 +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Hm. Have you and her had any sexual contact? Maybe he has found out about it and is upset. Or maybe he is just getting used to the fact that his daughter is grown up. Maybe you should try to talk to him? Or just see how things go if your afraid. Welp hope this helps!
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