A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex girlfriend have split now for over 5 months and I'm still finding it very difficult to move on. We were together for 3 and a half years and most of the time it really was the best time of our lives. We never argued, we laughed all the time at stuff that other people didn't generally understand why? and we enjoyed doing the same things. It was confortable and it felt so right.. The only problem was this was her first experience with a woman and at first she was confused, but then we just dated for a while and she said she just fell in love with me. I fell in love with her, she is amazing in every sense. We met at work, I was actaully her boss which I know was naughty and not the right thing to do, but we were both extremely professional, but the pull for both of us was just too much and therefore it ended up being a secret the duration and still a secret today. Our friendship group have no idea as we all generally hung around together and everyone thought we were just best mates, so leaving and arriving together at parties didn't seem unusal. Neither of our family knew about us and my family still doesn't know about my sexual orientation although I had dated women previously. But as time went on, my ex was worried about what people might think and we did split for about 3 months during our 3 and half year relationship because of this. Before she went on this holiday, we were both so much in love and having a great time.. it was so intimate and caring etc...After her return from holiday, she was acting odd and she didn't even want to see me.. the day she landed I was going to prepare her a lovely dinner as I missed her so much... but she didn't want to come over.. we eneded up rowing over the phone.. but later after a few weeks, I found out that she actually bonded with a guy on holiday and now they are a couple. She said to me that nothing happened on holiday and still to this day I am not sure whether to believe her. It took her 2 months to break up with me and then 3 weeks later she kissed him on New years eve and probably more. So while I was sitting in my own house and even went away to give her space for a week to think about how we could get through this and convince her that no one would care that we were together, she was having secret phone calls and probably meeting up with him while I was out of the way... this I am not sure of but that is the only way I think of as no one gets together with someone else so quickly after spliting up with you, do they??? Unless of course it's a one night stand. Thank god he doesn't live in our area, but I still see her at work and it's so difficult. Her main reason for ending it with me was because she said she didn't feel comfortable in herself, but I am convinced myself that if she took the courage to tell people about us, we wouldn't be where we are today OR am I just kidding myself. Was this inevidentable that it was destined for failure or was the last 3 and half years a complete lie. How can a woman who says now she is not comfortable be intimate with another woman for this amount of years. We are currently not talking and everyday I have to pull myself together before I enter work knowing that I will bump into her. I can't even turn to anyone at work as I gave her my word that I wouldn't tell a sole... But she even said that us in our bubble was perfect, but outside in the big wide world this is where she was scared and that pull was far greater for her than for her to say how much she loved me. She rather take home a boy to show her family and friends and didn't want the lifestyle... It was the hardest choice for her to make she kept tellng me... But for me, whether this is just being shallow minded, I do see things in black and white and believe that if you love someone, no matter the problem, the consequences (unless it's abuse then thats is completely different) if you truly love someone then does this all matter. I know our families have very traditional beliefs, but I was prepared to tell them because I loved her to bits and she was the one... but she was not prepared to even tell one person, not even her best friend who I know too... We both live in very straight circles although some of my friends know about my past... but her, no. They have no reason to suspect because intially when we split the first time, she did have a one night stand and she fell pregnant and got a termination and i still took her back then after the 3 months?? But did this happen because I was there supporting her or did she come back because she was in love with me.. where did it all go wrong... I find myself somedays being nice and friendly and other days I am just horrible saying how much she has hurt me and that if I could I would just give up work and go somewhere else just to get away.. But my job is so good and I did enjoy it and all my friends are in this area, so its hard make that decision. I can't really believe how quickly she has moved on and when I asked her out right that she is spliting up with me because there is someone else, she said no there isn't and was adamant.. and then I find out from one of our friends coming back from a meeting who talked openly about her going to see her boyfriend... thinking that I would know because we were so close as 'Friends'. So I had to pretend that I knew... But it's really hurting me and I'm not sure what to... i know what I have to do, but not sure how to act, what to do or just leave it and not talk to her ever again? I probably know the answer but the truth is I do want her back as she is the love of my life... what should I do...
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at work, best friend, ex girlfriend, fell in love, move on, my ex, on holiday, one night stand Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Don't give up your work andmove. Basically the thing is that it is incredibly clear that you loved her more on a relationship level and she loved you more on a dependence friend level most of the time, and her love for men is stronger than for women, all you need to do now is go out and start looking for other people!
A
male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (15 May 2009):
I'm really sorry, Sweetheart. She broke your heart. Now, be mature, lick your wounds, don't retaliate personnally or professionally (...that would be horrible on SO many levels), mourn, then move on. Sounds like it was a very good thing, and it will take a while to recover from the pain. Give yourself a breather, and then try again. Nothing heals a broken heart like finding a new relationship (...not easy, I know; everyone has been there). Love stinks.:) But, again, give yourself time, and get ready for another:) The best word in the English language, in my view, is "next!" Peace.
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