A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm in a pickle... I've been with J for a year now, but sometime around christmas we had a fight and I went to my exs house (T) and u can do that math on that, well I went to Ts house christmas eve and then christmas morning me and J got back together. I started my period I think Dec. 28th and me and J didn't do anything till newyears and I'm sure it was weeks before xmas that we had done anything prior to the break up. I found out I was preg in early Jan. I think the 5th or 15th.I dk, any ways I'm due Oct 4th but when I went to a 3D ultrasound they said their seeing Oct 1st .. Well I did the math and it lead back to conception on xmas... I'm so scared the baby is Ts and J will leave me if I tell him. I honestly thought the baby was Js until I did that math. Now given I did hav my pd after xmas, apparently it dsnt matter. Well I guess my question is obvious... What should I do? I'm so in love with J and I want him to be the dad and to be my man for good, but this might be either a breaker or something that will make us never the same again. And I'm downing myself in ultimate regret of xmas night... I just don't know what to do or say and when or when not... Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone for their help. Although prenatal DNA testing is too risky and expensive, the test is the last resort.
I plan to talk to my doc about when for sure i conveived, and if it would be around christmas eve then all will come out and I will tell him know about the possibility of T.
Thanks again!
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (9 August 2009):
Get a DNA test, it will put your mind at ease. I will also save your man from YEARS of expenses, and let the real father have the privage of writting your child 216+ monthly checks... If you'r man is the father you BOTH get to know the truth, if he's not, you'll both know and it's possible that he'll still decide that your child should become his anyway!
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (9 August 2009):
Why not talk to your gynecologist and explain that you really want to know when you conceived?
I just checked a gestation calendar online, and logged in your last period date of Dec 28. It gives a due date of Oct. 4th, with a conception date of Jan 11th.
If you had conceived your child on Dec. 25th, you would have had your last period on Dec. 11th and your due date would be Sep. 17th.
I think you may be mis-remembering when you found out you were pregnant since you were likely stressed about the relationship. You probably got pregnant around the 11th and found out much later in January.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): DNA test. Period.
It's not just about right now. The baby will be a child in 10 years and an adult in 20. If the paternity is not what you say it is, the truth WILL come out eventually. It's only a matter of time.
The BF needs to know the truth right now. It's not fair to leave him thinking a child is his when it might not be. He might be the best father for the child either way, but your wanting a father for your child does not outweigh his rights. This is his life too. He has the right not to be manipulated into raising someone else's child if he would choose not to.
If you care about him & respect him then you won't let this possibility stay secret any longer. It will hurt a hell of a lot to tell him now but it will hurt even worse if it waits longer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWould it be best to talk to him now? Or wait to know for sure? I want to be honest, I'm just so scared!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWould it be best to talk to him now? Or wait to know for sure? I want to be honest, I'm just so scared!
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (9 August 2009):
 If the child is not his sooner or later he will probably figure it out.The baby may still be J`s though.Due dates are a funny thing.If you was with J a week before or after T then either may be the father.I think you should let J know of your indiscretion.Start by telling him you love him and you want to spend your life with him.It will leave him confused and hurt no doubt.But if he truly loves you he will forgive you.If T is the father he should know,but I would wait till I know for sure before telling him anything.
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (9 August 2009):
 You don't know what to do?
How about being honest! And getting a DNA test when the child is born. Don't be deceitful anymore about this issue...do the right thing.
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