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male
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*ybonator
writes: This is also a 25 year old virgin question. I don't seem to have a problem talking to girls, I have kissed 2 girls since puberty (although 1 a barely remember thanks to lots of beer). I've been on a few dates as well, never a 2nd date mind you. I do realise that 12 years of an all boys catholic school might have something to do with. My question is: what is the Herculian task that must be accomplished to get a girlfriend?
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female
reader, 2EsillyaMuse'D +, writes (11 January 2006):
As a female myself, I have advice for you: there are plenty of girls out there who actually WANT virgins. Why, you ask? Because they wish to retain their virginity to marriage, and would be doubly-happy if their future spouse was the same. Holding off until marriage gives you the benefit of not having baggage in the relationship, so there's no comparing your spouse to Girlfriend X and saying "well, she did it better". It results in a more fullfilling relationship on all levels, emotional and physical. There is also the more obvious benefit of not risking disease or pregnancy.In addition, it shows you have character. If you don't sleep with every girl you date, or every second girl you date, and you make this a clear policy of yours, then you'll gain respect. Being 25, you're past the high school lockerroom comparisons of who used the most condoms over the weekend.My point is this: be PROUD of yourself for being a virgin! Don't flaunt it mercilessly, but certainly don't be ashamed of it.And as to getting a girlfriend for yourself, that's more a matter of finding the right girl than anything (which, if you have decently-high standards, is pretty difficult). If you can find one that you click with, it should work out well and easily for you. If not, simply try again. Pay attention to the girl, but don't breathe down her neck (unless, of course, she LIKES having you breathe down her neck). An arm around the back of her seat in the theater is sweet, your tongue down her throat when you pick her up is not. Pay attention, be polite without chauvanistic, and eventually you'll find a good one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): It sounds like maybe the problem is not meeting and asking the girls out, perhaps it how the first date goes. You indicated the issue is with the second and third dates.
I would be interested to know how you feel your first dates go? Why do you think you have trouble with the second?
Maybe you are coming across as a bit too intense and you need to pull back, maybe you are playing it too cool on the date and the girls don't think you are really interested. There is nothing worse than going on a first date with someone who is far too keen or just sits there and is too nervous or shy to say anything or just seems bored like he's not interested.
When do you call for a second date? In the first 24 hours or two weeks later? Too soon can scare girls off, whilst waiting too long simply annoys them. Maybe wait 2 or 3 days before asking for a second date. Imbetween send a cute email saying you had a nice time.
For my first date with one of my ex boyfriends, we went out on a saturday and then on monday at work day sent a really cute smart email telling me he had a nice time and would it be okay he called me tonight? I thought it was such a cute way to approach it without coming off too strong and also being kind of old fashioned and sweet.
The other thing is maybe you are asking out girls who perhaps you have nothing in common with and when it comes to a second date they might think 'nice guy but what the hell do I talk to him about?'.
Also when it comes to the second date a good way to help you get a yes is to tuck a detail away from the first date ie. she really likes italian food or boats or tennis or something and arrange a date that incorporates that, mention you remember she said she liked that and you thought she may be interested to go to this Italian restaurant that is really good or a boat show or a tennis match etc. It shows you've paid attention to her and also that you are a caring, considerate type of guy.
Also when do you tell her you're a virgin, a definite no no for a first date.
Whilst I don't know the exact details of who you are asking out or how the date actually goes and some of this may be telling you what you are already doing, I hope that there is something in here that helps you.
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A
female
reader, iwantfun +, writes (9 January 2006):
I think you should sign upto a reputable dating website, like lavalife or similar and advertise that you are looking to meet girls for friendship initially and perhaps relationship in the future. I wouldnt be open that you are a virgin and just bring it up in the conversation when the time is right, girls like confidence! Good Luck!!!
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