A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man in the US navy 12 years ago..I was too young to be in a LDR at that time and so we both went on our separate ways. 12 years later (present time), we reconnected through the internet and decided to meet up again to see if the "spark" was still there - he lives in Hawaii and I live in Australia. We had been texting back and forth for months before I went to Hawaii for 6 weeks and stayed with him. While I was there, I met his parents, son (he's a single father now), grandparents, aunts, uncles, and close friends. Everything was absolutely wonderful, we still had the spark and I fell completely in love with him all over again and so did he. He asked me to marry him while I was over there and so we set a date for December of this year when I would go back permanently. Our LDR was going strong until I brought up a girl who texted him once in a while. I had started to feel a little insecure due to the distance...he got upset saying that when I say that I trust him...that means that I should trust him completely - that he isn't and won't fool around, would tell me if he had a change of heart, etc. Things escalated from there - he cancelled the wedding and said that things were going way too fast and that it wouldn't be a bad idea if we just took our time...I agreed with this as I also felt the same. From this point he started to become distant...he stopped replying to my texts...stopped taking my calls...he started to completely ignore me. He would reply once in a while and say that he "didn't feel like dealing with our issues because he had a lot going on with work and with his son." He said that he has a lot of close female friends, some of whom he used to date...and he didn't think that I could deal with that. He is somewhat a flirt (charming, engaging, friendly) and doesn't think that I can accept that part of his personality. The fact that he is in the navy, he said he couldn't deal with insecurity coz he doesn't want to be walking on eggshells when he's in away and stopping at ports. I don't understand what happened...one minute he loves me and wants to marry me, the next minute he became so cold because I had a concern. It's been 2 weeks and we still can't get past this...he is completely ignoring me now. I don't know what to do because I love him so much...12 years went by and I couldn't get over him. This was like our 2nd chance....any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): Thank you for your insight on my situation. I guess he is not even my boyfriend anymore...today, he posted on his FB wall "I would rather be alone than with someone for the wrong reasons...'Nuff said!" Very hurtful...he didn't even respect me enough for a phone call...even a text would have been more personal than a FB status post.
Wrong reasons? Maybe he had lead me along the whole time, made me believe that he really did love me but had alterior motives...like you said, he needs a mother for his son.
I am in so much pain and feel humiliated by what he has done...I would never do this to anyone.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 July 2012):
 When I first read the few sentences I thought this was too good to be true, something that doesn't even happen in a romance novel. You don't really know much about this guy and he proposed on a whim, maybe felt guilty that you came to visit him and changed your entire lifestyle to suit him. The mind can be a very polarized thing. After his last failed relationship it is hard to resist an available woman right there staring at him. He also needs a mother to his son. But then he felt that he could not be the husband for you so he broke it off. Rather than admitting he's rash with his decision he blamed the problem on your insecurity. With an unstable mind he is not marriage material. There is nothing wrong with being charming, engaging and friendly but with the long distance and his past history this relationship has the fatal combination of lack of trust and not seeing each other enough.
You should move back and put a closure to this fantasy, because it's what it is.
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