A
male
age
36-40,
*ndeed
writes:I was just wondering if you could give me a bit of advice as to whether or not i have done the rite thing?? I told my friend who has an eating disorder last night that we could not talk anymore and that i needed space, i didnt want to do this but i have done it as i love her so much and i dont like knowing she is upset and when i try getting close to her she does'nt want me too. She keeps saying i am an amazing friend and never anything else and it really is confusing me, i really want to get back with her but she says she doesn't know how she feels about me and whether her feelings are strong enought for a relationship, then on other hand she says she would give us another chance but she cant rite now. The thing thats stopping me from being just friends is because she said she doesn't feel like she's dated enough guys and that she wants to be single and able to. I care for her too much to pretend this doesn't bother me but at the same time i dont want to be deserting her in her time of need. I feel as if she is saying that because she wants to prove to herself that she is goodlooking and can get alot of male attention. She then msg'd me last night saying that it will be so hard without me but she knows why i have to do it and maybe it will help her to because she doesn't want to rely on someone anymore and wants to be strong enough to do this alone. Then she said she cant wait til things are ok with us again an she loves me. This all is confusing for me and it is affecting my work and life in general, i just wondered if i had done rite thing by cutting all contacts an she will be able to then see how she really feels about me or whether i have done the wrong thing and i am gonna push her back more into this horrible time she is going through.
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female
reader, Gena Bullock  +, writes (3 April 2008):
 It is hard to help someone who isn't sure how to help themselves; especially when dealing with anorexia nervousa or bulimia. I, for one, have dealt with anorexia back in high school. It was hard and challenging and I had to want to NOT throw up and eat all over again the things that I knew would make me gain weight. It was more of a nervous condition, but I had a hard time dealing with weight, even though I was never fat or even healthy looking. Downright skinny, was what I was. Anyway, you need to be there for her and keep in contact daily. She could fall of the deep end, especially knowing she might not have you nearby to catch her.
Do suggest and go with her...counseling for this problem.
It is a dangerous health issue that needs recognizing and she needs someone to movitative her into doing what is best for her overall health. THIN IS NOT IN...anymore.
Find out what/where you can take her for counseling and make her an appointment. Get her to go. Let her know how serious this matter is and encourage her. This is what friends are for.
Gena
A
female
reader, just b real u all +, writes (3 April 2008):
Yes you did the right thing for you. But, now ask yourself what is it about this girl that attracts you to her? If she has an eating disorder coupled with issues of self esteem this girl needs to get help for herself. But until she and she alone realizes her beauty and becomes self satisfied she will always keep looking outside of herself for acceptance.
Which leads me back to you, as a friend who she knows loves her you provide her with a safety net. Someone who is there when she has no one else to give the affirmation she needs. You are her revolving door and for your own sanity you need to stop that - I promise you: You cannot fix her. And, unless and until she decides to seek proffessional help for her disorder, you cannot help her or be there for her. She will continue to use your affections for her - you will essentially become her enabler and be caught up in her world of self rejection which includes rejecting you - because if she does NOT love herself, she will never understand why others love her and reject and discout them for loving her.
Make sense?
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