A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, there's this guy (we'll call him Sean), and his brother (we'll call him Aaron) and I have been very good friends for years (over a decade). "Sean" had been flirting with me for almost a year, and then one bad night of drunken tomfoolery led to another, and we were kind of "seeing each other". We didn't dicuss hiding it intentionally from "Aaron", but we both did. "Sean" and "Aaron" are very close, and do virtually everything together, and many years ago it was "Aaron" who had the crush on me...Let me make this clear, I like "Sean", and when he was flirting with me it was hard not to flirt back- but given the history of friendship between my family and his it felt like forbidden fruit in a way.To make a very long story short, he was very intense- he started talking about moving in together the first week, I would pretend to fall asleep next to him and he would stroke my hair a bit, kiss my head, and whisper "I love you". HE brought up the relationship conversation (are we? aren't we?), and seemed really animated when I said I was ok with putting a label on it- officially, yes, I was his girlfriend.But then, I am a single mom with a forward-moving career. He and his brother travel in and out of the country a lot on business. We sort of just stopped talking about 6 months ago (well, it was way more complicated than that, but you get the idea). "Aaron" got suspicious, and sort of chewed both of us out. "Aaron" and I are still friends, but it was a bit awkward at first. So, the question..."Sean" called me 4 times last month and left a message to call him back (I didn't). Last week, he sent me a text message asking how I was doing (I wrote back a very casual "Good, you guys?"). 2 nights ago, he writes me a huge text message, saying he misses me and can't forget me and he's sorry that we tried to hide it and he wants me in my life, he cares about me, he wants to take care of me, etc. I was blown away. I thought after all of this time that he would have moved on.Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but culturally, we cannot just "be together" and I am a single mom so it is that much more complicated. Also, "Aaron" and I are really good friends and our families are close- I feel like I'd be risking too much. Am I just being silly? How do I tell "Sean" that I care about him but that it feels like it could never be real? I feel like pursuing this would be immature and selfish, risking a decades-long friendship and his family's respect.Normally, I'm giving out advice, but this time around, I'm genuinely confused! Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): confusednkentucky... thank you! thank you, thank you, thank you! you're so right, i need to just relax and think about what *i* want/feel... i'll keep you posted on the developments!
A
female
reader, confusednkentucky +, writes (28 April 2009):
Okay, honestly i'd say stop thinking about what everyone else thinks, and all the reasons it can't work, We owe it to ourselves and children to follow our hearts. What if he's the one, how do you know who you'll find down the road? Why deny your self someone that makes you happy, you can't live or love for others. and sometimes excuses come up because of insecurities (I do it) Clear your mind of what families and friends would think, what do you want, how do you feel, could you see building a future with him. It's not selfish, when it comes to relationships we're the ones in them. He hasn't moved on after 6 months I think his feelings are genuine, so now you need to decide if yours are, don't make a pros and cons list. do some heart\soul searching.
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