A
female
age
36-40,
*lexia846
writes:Okay I have a situation in my hand. A couple of months agomy ex of five years ended our relationship of five years. It has been what some say emotionally abusive"him calling me fat,i need to wear makeup, this that" basically to make a long story short i gave him 150% while he gave maybe 65%. Anyways after millions of tears and depressions he i guess came back and I was ready to go back to him and continue to but I started to notice one of my classmates. I was in grad school at the time I am 24 and we would have these deep converstations sometimes as just friends but I started to fall for it. I loved how he would listen. REALLY LISTEN, and he was able to see right through my pain. We seemed to have so many things in common, at least for the first time in my life I became attracted to a personality which was very attracting to me. Either way he had a gf so I could not do anything but my question is thisMy ex has been calling and begging to come back non-stop but ever since I met that guy i cant look at my ex the same way!! is this normal and why do I feel guilty? The other classmate I met has the personality of a man I want to marry, and I am looking for someone like him but I feel guilty for not going to my ex.Am i daydreaming are there any guys that actually listen, I mean listen to you and appreciate you, and show affection? My ex keeps pushing to see me but I cant even feel attracted to him anymore ever since I saw this man's personality. I keep thinking and daydreaming of meeting a man like that. I dont know y i should feel guilty since he called me a fat cow, mind you I am 5'3 and 125. and spit on me and argued on me and all that emotionally abusive stuff. He apologized but why do I feel guilty when he was the one that left?He keeps calling me and saying "oh how can you throw away something so quick" when I always knew i was gonna come back I just needed a break.He is 30 but doesnt seem to comapre to the other guy's personality. I feel so guilty cause now my ex is seeing he is looking me and is being sweet, but y cant i feel it?I'm so confused am I day dreaming of a man that doesnt even exist? I want so despirately to feel the affection from a man, and maybe it was a sign from god that i should move on but if I start dating my ex would never take me back thats what he said. He was like "Oh i wont stop calling or texting you until I hear that you are with someone else." But i keep telling him that my feeling are not the same... I was so captured by this strangers personality that I feel guilty for not going to my abusive ex now that he is being nice... what should I do??
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a break, emotionally abusive, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (3 February 2011):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know what, he randomly texts me and then wants to be like, "oh forget the past no one is perfect", when he was the one that left. And when I asked him why, he just says, "well I wanted a break! I had problems, now I'm better!!"
A
female
reader, crummyscreenname  +, writes (2 February 2011):
You're starting to get over your ex so you're starting to sincerely fantasize about other guys. You feel guilty becasue you loved your ex and because you have probably gotten into the habit of feeling guilty when you don't gove him what he wants. (You said he was abusive). And you're probably insecure and also, most f us women have really intense guilt complexes that are easily triggered because we are conditioned from a young age to be pleasing.
He wants you and is paying attention to you because it hurts his ego that you're getting over him. don't go back to him, and take some time- a couple of months at least- to work on yourself and your issues- before you get into another relationship.
PS his words are just words. guys will say ANYTHING to get what they want. It's their actions that count. he wants you to be under his control, not becasue he loves or cares about you, but becasue he's a pathetic, mean-spirited little bully, so he wants you waiting around pining over him in case he decides to make use of you.
Also, look at what he's threataning you with! He won't take you back? you don't WANT your ex to take you back! He's an asshole. If he would never take you back, that's a good thing! But the reality is, saying that is just another tactic to try and keep you under control. Get him the hell out of your life and get strong, honey!
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A
male
reader, df30 +, writes (2 February 2011):
Youve moved on, took some time like it does for 90% of women to see "wait hes a dousche bag and there are guys out there who will treat me like gold". Don't go back to his lame ass, he spit on you?WTF. You would be crazy to get back with a guy like that. I think now youv seen what you want in a man and your ex doesn't make the cut.
Don't feel guilty about wanting someone who treats you like you should be treated. Theres way too many good dudes out there to settle for someone's bullshit. Find someone who matches what you want in a partner and be happy.
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