A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:one night my wife and her best girl friend were having drinks. i had a camera and coaxed them into kissing and a little boob feeling with each other. i honestly thought i would be told to smarten up and stop, but next thing i knew they were making out heavy, but not before my camera battery died. because of my presence my wifes friend left most of her clothes on, i never touched her. when things got too heavy it was agreed that we should stop and my wifes friend went to the couch, it was late. the next morning I went hunting. while i was gone the two of them got back into a full fledged session, all the way. now my wife is unhappy to say the least, she blames me for eveything that occured, accusing me of wanting to have sex with her friend, not trusting me when i go out, not wanting to continue her friendship with her friend, even sex between us is not the same. since this incident it has been one argument after another. this happened a couple months ago and things are just getting worse. we never used to fight at all, we had a fairytale relationship, now all we feel is hurt. how can i fix things? i suggested counselling but she will not talk with anyone about it. what shall i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): I posted the original Question. Thank you all for your responses. they were very helpful in dealing with me blaming myself. I will in future be much more carefull and consider the reprocusions to my actions before I act. I have started a new approach instead of trying to win the arguments with my wife ,I have started to do everything in my power to show her that I love her. after all she is the love of my life. talking to her romaticly , small presents, flowers, going places and doing things with her, helping with chores that she would normally do alone. this has gotten us to the point were this afternoon we finally had a level headed conversation again. after years of marrage the courting prosses has begun again. I am not so stubborn as to need one of us to own the blame. I just want my love my wife and my life back the way it was. There now is some light at the end of the tunnel. this site has been a great help, sometimes all one needs is a sounding board to figure things out . thank you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): The issue could be that you have seen that she is in love with her friend or that she is bisexual and now realizes she likes her more than you.
You are not to blame for what she did unless you are authoritarian and she "obeyed" you to appease you. You did not coerce her into anything. She kissed her friend willingly and because she really wanted to kiss her. Would you kiss a guy if you didn't want to? I think her secret's out and she is mad that you know it and are not acting appropriately now that you know her secret.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): Thats what you get for coaxing your wife into doing things when shes had too much to drink. If she wont go to counselling atleast go yourself. That way you can try and make sense of it all. It sounds as if your encouragement made her tap into something that would have been best left unexplored and thats why she blaming you.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 The evils of alcohol! We all make poor choices when drinking! Believe me there are several I wish I can undo!
Your wife the choice to continue after you left to go hunting! She did that of her free will. As CaringGuy said, she is blaming you for everything. She could've stopped it, in the very beginning by laughing off your joke!
If she isn't willing to talk about it, the problem is serious! There is no shame in what she did...just embarrassment! There's a difference!
I would suggest that the three of you sit down and discuss what happened and how it was a mistake, and should never happen again.
I'm sure her friend is experiencing the same guilt! The air needs to be cleared!
I wish you luck, it sounds as though your wife is going to be difficult to convince!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 January 2010):
Well I'm sorry but you're wife is talking a load of crap. She's feeling bad about what she did and is blaming you because she can't accept she did what she did. All right, you coaxed them while they were drunk. But when you went out, you didn't coax them. They did all that by themselves. You and her have to go to counselling. If she won't, then try to get her to open up to you. Explain that although you did coax them into kissing, you didn't go to sleep with her friend, and you certainly didn't make them carry on after you left. If she can't accept that, then your marriage is in trouble. This is more about your wife regretting what she chose to do, and just blaming you.
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