A
male
age
41-50,
*ungle Rabbit
writes:I met my current boyfriend about 2.5 years ago. For the first year and half or so, the sex was amazing. We'd be intimate with each other almost every time we saw each other, sometimes multiple times per night. It seemed like both of us couldn't keep our hands off each other. Not just sex either, but lots of kissing and making out, very intense passionate sex, it was amazing! The last year though, has been the complete opposite.He has rarely initiated sex with me this past year. It seems like I'm the only one that wants it anymore, he always complains that he's too tired. He even makes a point to say how tired he is before we go to bed, I take that as him hinting to me that there isn't going to be any sex tonight. He's even "too tired" on weekends which I don't quite understand.I have brought up how frustrated and hurt I am with this situation and all he tells me is that "he doesn't know what the problem is". He insists that he is still attracted to me, but I don't really believe that. I did catch him attempting to have sex with other men about 5 months ago. I don't believe he actually followed through with anything, but i found a sex ad that he posted on craigslist as well as some very disturbing emails to other guys on craigslist. I did catch him doing this the very next day after he put his ad up, so I do believe nothing actually happened, but there was definitely intent. He lied to me about the ad at first (telling me he was just looking for friends, not sex) and didn't actually come clean about it until recently.Another related issue is that we have only had anal sex twice since last July. 7 months ago or so, we had sex (he's the bottom) and the next morning he told me that he was hurting in that area and saw some blood when he went to the bathroom. I understood and was only worried about him being healthy. So I didn't pressure him at all (still don't) about having anal sex, there's other stuff we could do anyway, but still to this day, he has not seen a doctor. At this point, I do believe this might be an excuse not to have sex with me. Whenever I bring it up, he tells me he wants to see a doctor but he's embarrassed. I can understand that to a certain degree, but to completely refuse to see a doctor for 7 months now, knowing how frustrated I am leaves me really confused. I have no reason to believe he's going to see a doctor or think that we're going to start having anal sex again anytime soon.On Valentine's day eve (it was actually after midnight, so it was technically Valentine's day) we were away on a nice weekend vacation together. I thought it'd be nice to fool around, so when I tried to initiate in bed, he just told me he was tired and wanted to cuddle. This of course makes me feel rejected and really frustrated, so I get upset. In the morning he has the nerve to get mad at me for getting upset. He even told me that he was planning on trying anal sex again tonight (Valentine's day) but now we're not going to, because I got upset the night before. It's been over 2 weeks since that day, and he hasn't made any attempt to try since. So if he was really ready to try then, why hasn't it happened in the past 2 weeks? I do believe these are all excuses to not have sex with me.It does make me wonder what is going on. Is he cheating on me? He tells me he's still attracted to me but makes absolutely no effort to make our sex life better. I've told him it's not just about anal sex either, i'm happy with anything at this point, but we only mess around once a week. He told me recently that he is horny all the time and masturbates to porn on his computer just about every night he doesn't stay over at my place. He only stays over 2-3 nights a week. So he is masturbating the other 4-5 nights, and we're having sex 1 night a week.I do love him very much, and believe that he loves me. We spend a lot of time together, we cuddle a lot and he is so sweet towards me, he just has no interest in sex with me. Everything else is great, but this sex issue is just getting out of hand. I've never felt so undesirable and unattractive in my life, and he doesn't seem to want to go out of his way or make any attempt to make me feel better. If he really loved me, wouldn't he see that I have needs that are not being met? Even the one time per week that we do mess around, I feel like he's just doing it to shut me up. Also, once we do mess around that one time, there is no hope that we're going to do anything the next morning or day, it's like he feels like he got the weekly chore out of the way, so we'll see what happens next weekend! We rarely make out anymore either, we do kiss which is nice, but the passionate making out like we used to do, is very rare also.I'm sorry this is so long, I would love any advice anyone can offer, I just don't know what to do anymore!
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