A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 14 yr old daughter has been viewing porn on the internet. We have discussed this and she said she was curious, my husband doesn't feel it's a big deal because he had playboys. I am more concerned because I was having sex at her age and don't want her repeating my mistakes. Even after being told to stop she still sneaks around and does it. She knows she will be caught, so why keep doing it? How do I handle this? I don't want to push her away so that she never wants to talk to me about sex, but don't feel it's good to be online viewing it.
View related questions:
porn, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2015): My d was pregnant as a teenager and believe me it was NOTHIBG to do with me not teaching her about sex. People are quick to judge and make assumptions but the truth is there are many reasons for teenage pregnancy ... It does not automatically mean you don't have good parents or they were not open!!!My children also share everything with me , which is why I guess when my daughter got pregnant she at least felt supported enough to have her child and is now a wonderful mother . I fact I ofteb see mothers much older who are coping more poorly than her . A lot of it is about personality and family support Yes, educate you daughter but never assume you or your family is somehow above teenage pregnancy , disease etc like some parents do
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2015): I really am not that worried about the porn but have you talked at all to her about sex?By that age both my girls were already on the pill and they were educated.We talked about everything from orgasms to std.I think she is looking at the porn because you are not educating her so she has to learn somehow.Three of my kids friends ended up pregnant in high school.Their parents chose not to educate them on the fact and that is what happend.They told them no dateing or sex before 18.You have to be realistic.Kids are filled with hormones.As a parent you teach them how to be safe and how to prevent a pregnancy.I guess I was the cool mom because they have and still tell me everything...even the stuff I do not want to hear.Just the other day my daughter who is 25 told me she had a date with a girl...she asked am I mad.I told her I just hope she picks better girls than her brother...He kinda picks losers...she gave me a hug and said I am the coolest mom ever.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2015): Teach her discretion. How to keep that sort of thing private and likely you will never hear about it again.
She's a teenager. Teach her that sex and porn viewing and masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of but should be treated with respect. Tell her that you became sexually active at an early age and whilst there is nothing wrong with that, it is not something you advise.
Teach your kid to be responsible. Give her the tools to make good decisions or bad ones, knowing that you will always be there to answer her questions and help her, no matter what happens if anything at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2015): The concern here is that if she is seeing porn on the I ternet she is alsoSeeing abuse against women as 80 percent of it has some form of slapping , name calling or abuse towards the female. This sort of suck behaviour could not only be very confusing to her at such a young age but also it could set her up to think that it is ok for men to treat women that ways or even, as some poor girls do , she may grow up with the deluded idea that womrn bring called but he's and whores and hurt is somehow 'empowering ' to women , as the media and porn industry tries to convince young girls todayThe best shot is to talk openly with her about what she had seen and what the issues are and your concerns.I hope it all works out ok for you and your daughter . Having adult children myself I know this stage is never easy
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 May 2015):
 I think it's a matter of her being a teenager and having the desire to do things on her own, things that are private to her. It comes with the age, she needs more independence and is exploring. No matter if you tell her to not do it, her instincts are to do it. Teenagers rebel! That's what they are meant to do. I am thinking if you tell her it's OK to watch porn, she will probably do it less. It's more fun when she's told it's forbidden.
Anyway, what you can do if you want it to stop is to take away her access to Internet. You can't prevent her from watching it at friend's houses, but you will be making a drastic change in the amount she gets to watch it. Take away her computer and smart phone, give her an old type of phone which can't access the web. Or even add restrictions to certain web-pages/only grant access to some web-pages. It's fully possible.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 May 2015):
 You are right in saying that if you make her feel shameful about sex she is less likely to talk to you when on day she has questions. The parenting style, "I told you it's wrong so you have to stop it" does not work, and it's a thing of the past because nowadays children are smarter and they are not afraid of parents. I say let her determine whether it's good or not to be viewing it. I am sorry I can't give you advice on how to get her to stop because I myself watched porn at that age and it did not make me promiscuous. It was a good outlet. I did not have sex until I was 19 even though I discovered masturbation at 6. Having curiosity and being aware of pleasurable bodily sensations from masturbation are different from actually wanting to get out there and mixing with people.
If you can't explain to her why it's bad rather than: it's meant for adults, I don't want you to be sexual, you are still my litter girl, it makes me uncomfortable because it reminds me of my past, then she's not going to stop. She is not going to understand that as a mom, there is discomfort knowing a daughter is growing up, gaining independence and needing parents less. The reasons would just be as ineffective as saying masturbation makes you short, it makes you blind.
The only way to stop it is to set up a parental control and password. Give her healthier habits like sports to focus on, but that's still not going to stop her curiosity. Keep communication open, but don't give unsolicited advice or lecture until she initiates it.
...............................
|
