A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really liked a girl as a friend for a few years at school, then found out from a friend that she "wanted to hook up with me". I asked her out to a movie, and after that things got really weird. She said she wasn't sure at first, then afterwards told me that she actually did want to go out with me. She told me it had to be really casual though, since it was the last year in high school and we had exams/would be moving soon.Anyways, as time went on I kept asking her if she ever wanted to hang out with me, like go to a movie or out for dinner. She kept saying she was busy or some kind of excuse, so I would leave her alone for a few days. I didn't want to screw up because I seriously liked her, but also I'd never been in a relationship more than 2 weeks, and I didn't want to mess up as usual. It was killing me, having to wait for a response from her. She was my new girlfriend, and she wasn't talking to me at all. By the end of the week, I would be about to explode and confront her. Just as this happened, she would FINALLY come up to me in school and say something like, "sorry for being so weird and awkward", and would give me a hug. I would lie and say something like "you don't come across like that at all", or "i understand your situation", or give her a complement.Anyways, one day we were with friends drinking in a pub and she started making out with me. At first it shocked me, and I didn't know what to do. Tons of thoughts were running through my head like, "you're never going to get another chance", or "maybe she finally likes you". I thought she might be a little drunk, so I tried to stop her at first by kind of resisting the kisses and pulling back, but she just kept coming at me. I liked her so much, and I had been drinking quite a bit too (cause i was feeling like crap about her ignoring me), so after my few attempts at resistance I gave in.After that, when she would give me a hug in school I'd give her a small kiss on the cheek, but she seemed hesitant and embarrassed, so after a few times I stopped. A few days later she dumped me by saying she wanted to go back to being friends. Once again, I didn't last more than 2 weeks. Since it was over, I finally asked her why the hell we never actually did anything together, and why she ignored me all the time. She gave me some bs response, and told me that she hadn't been ignoring me.Anyways, we went on a graduation trip soon after, and she got back together with her ex who was one of my friends. I remember one night at 3am I was locked out of my room, and I saw her and her ex walking back to their room. She lost her virginity to him during the trip... The next few days her ex had hickeys all over his neck, and he was constantly beaming.She broke up with him later when they were leaving for college. The ex was really devastated.My friend told me that I'm lucky, because at least I didn't get too close like the ex did before she moved. The thing is though, I feel so bad about the whole situation. I have never felt this bad in my life. Every time I'm at work, I get this image of them in my head having sex, and it makes me want to throw up. It's just that when I was going out with her, I wasn't even thinking about sex. All I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her, and then once I got it, it was just a drunken make out session. To know that this girl I was in love with lost her virginity to another guy makes me so angry. I can't believe she would have sex with him. I didn't think she even liked him that much. Please help, the whole situation plays itself over and over in my head. I cry so much now, and I think of myself as a pretty tough guy. I really just want to forget it and move on, but how can I forget her having sex with someone else?This all has made me feel very weird and different about girls. I believe now that girls all have some selfish intention when it comes to dating and guys. Now I want revenge, and I think about ways to date girls in the future and use this selfish intention they have to hurt them. I think about how I want to lie and lure girls into a sense of security and future with me, and fuck them over in the end.Sorry for making this so long, I've been needing to get it all out. Please help if you have any advice. I'm tired of trying to be a nice guy, it hasn't worked.
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at work, broke up, drunk, got back together, her ex, move on, revenge Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mamasaidknockyouout  +, writes (23 July 2008):
aye bro I don't have a religion, nor do I believe in karma. I don't have the best of luck with boys either, but obviously I'm younger than you. I've alwwaayysss been stuck in that friend zone. its either friend zone or sexual things an it just really sucks. I'm not gonna tell you that you will indeed find that one because uh that's really hard lol and idk how much faith I'd have for long lasting love. I know I'm only fifteen but I've kinda bee through a lot which is why I've matured more. guys fuck with me all the time because they can guilt me into doing something I don't want. anyyywhooo. I've only been through one year of highschool and I don't find any of the immature dudes very attractive so I started talking to my friends friends in a different district and they just used me. and its hurts and I don't like the feeling obviously so I don't reccommend passing that one you know? I really don't feel you are, though.now I kinda understand what you meant in the end. my recent incident with a guy who used me made me wanna get so much revenge on him and what not.but now you're gonna have more freedom, being out of highschool and stuff. there's college and partying and stuff, I don't believe that you're never gonna find some chick for ya, unless you're antisocial. you sound like quite the sweetheart so you just have to wait. as overplayed as that sounds, its the truth. I know you said you've been waiting awhile but there's still experiences to go through that may help you encounter chicks. idk where I'm going with this anymore lol so yah man. I truly do hope you find someone - at least for a long term relationship. like I said, I don't really believe in lasting marriages. yah I know people might list a million examples but hey, its not that common. anywho lol. just message me or something if you wanna hear anymore jibberjabber :D
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for all your responses. First I want to comment on the title, "Help me...I keep thinking I want to lie to girls to lure them in and then screw them over!". I didn't actually write that title, and I think it kinda misrepresents my looooong question.
A couple of things I want to say though. I understand you are trying to make me feel better, but I don't think it's right to say "the best is yet to come" or "you'll find the one", unless you really believe that. It's nice to try to give someone hope, but in my situation I don't think things will ever get better. I've seen how many chances most people get with girls and I think I'm way below the average. Nothing has gotten better for me the past few years, and I can see a lot clearer now that I'm just not a lucky guy when it comes to girls. Please no more false hope. I think I'm just better off avoiding girls for the next few years.
To oldsister, sorry I don't believe in karma or anything. I think that just because you're good doesn't mean good is going to return to you. I try now just to stick with straightforward obvious truths now. Anything religious I kind of just laugh at now, as I was once religious and not really thinking clearly. I used to even believe I was the kind of guy who could have a girlfriend, until I started getting rejected all the time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): Not ALL females are the same, don't hurt other females just because one hurt you. If you want revenge, get revenge on the girl that hurt you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): I think that she is just following her heart, and it is good that you respected her wishes. She was clear with you and there's no need for drama, as she's free to give her body to whomever she wishes, and you have to understand and respect this! Do not force your feelings on a girl. A girl has the choice who she loses her virginity for. Move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): gaaah, dude I totally understand how you feel.
and us girls can be such bitches but we're not all that way! I promise (:
it might take awhile to find that right one, but you don't wanna fuck someone over who might be 'the one,' right?
plusss pretty please don't do that, guys have done that to me and I've even got depressed over one doing that. and right now I'm going through some shit with an ass. just please don't do this, its not gonna make anything better ):
keep your hopes up babe, we're not all vicious :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): I understand where you are coming from on the revenge thing. I did it actually for almost a year. Mine was on line though. I turned myself into whatever they wanted and after the three little words or a marriage proposal came, I would frig them over. There were a few that I ended up liking and leaving alone. I had to end up going to counseling for it. When you start thinking about her doing that, you need to think about something else. Something positive.
It is possible. If you do not let her and the situation go, you are going to end up losing it. What you are doing to yourself is not hurting anyone but you. You are damaging yourself over a girl that does not give a darn about your situation. I feel your pain. I have been there. Hang on, the best is yet to come.
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