A
female
age
51-59,
*hataboutit?
writes:Maybe this is a cultural thing or maybe just a difference in personality thing...I'm very playful and, when I'm with my friends, guys and girls, we are all very validative of one another. Say someone looks great when they do, etc., so there's never any need to say what your strong points are because they can already see them and openly admire them.I'm dating someone from England and, though it's obvious that we care about each other a lot - as we have both said so - he is a little short on the compliments and has specific things that he has easily complained about. When I playfully say how sweet I am or I try to list my good features, he thinks I'm needy and HAVE to have all this approval and actually says some very cutting things to "knock me off my high horse". None of my friends would EVER think of being so unsupportive or negative about me playfully boasting nor would I be of them.What I wonder about is, is this generally an English thing? He is very competitive in general and sometimes in conversations.I don't know what to think. I genuinely like him but don't like him thinking I'm arrogant when, actually, I'm a little nervous around him and I think he doesn't see these nice things about me so that's why I say them. Most of our relationship is over the phone so I can't see his facial expressions - we seem to get along great in person - with no misunderstandings.Ok...love to hear what you say on both sides of the ledger so I can understand this better. Would love to hear the guys' answers too, very much. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 July 2008):
It may be a cultural thing or it may be he's an arrogant twat. He's not my ex is he?
In England a girl would never sit and say "I'm really sweet and really pretty and really clever and generally awesome, don't you agree?" We'd see that as incredibly arrogant! We are famed for our modesty and to be brilliant yet modest is seen as quite attractive in a girl.
We are very much the people of knowing we are the best but not telling anyone. I think we are still on the come down from our empire days. Your Marines wear T-shirts saying "second to none". Ours then jogged past them while they were walking up a mountain with t-shirts saying "None". It's that kind of thing.
We also do have a bit of a culture of always backing the under dog and taking the mickey out of anything that proclaims itself as amazing.
Another point is that you may think he's being terribly cutting but he may just be being dry and sarcastic and making a joke.
My advice is not to change but not to worry about it. You are an American, he's going to expect you to be loud and open and have incredibly white teeth. But don't take everything too seriously, and ask him if he's serious next time he says something nasty, that should get the point across that you don't like it and don't get it if it is a joke.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Could go both ways really.
Do your friends form a "mutual admiration society" all fake compliments and never any critism no matter how valid? Just how high is that horse in reality?
Or is he just a cantankerous git who enjoys tearing people down?
It may very well be a cultural thing. Certainly british comedy is a lot more biting then is found in the US.
It all depends on just how far you and your friends go and just what how cutting his remarks are. If you constantly need validation from others and the slightest negative comment ruins you whole day, grow up.
If he must always be negative, can't give a compliment and must point out every flaw then he is just a negative person who will only make you feel bad about yourself, maybe doing this 'on purpose' as a form of control.
...............................
|
