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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: i am married and have been seeing a married friend for almost a year. we agreed on no strings attached policy. in Feb we decided to break it of as i suggested he try and work things out with his estranged wife. he still comes over. we don't touch and when in company not even look at each other. however a friend of mine asked if there was something going on between us as we give each other the looks that says i want you like now. the day we broke it off, he was ill so after he left for home i called to see if he was ok and it sounded as if he was crying. at times we are alone i may touch him and now he tells me i'm being inappropriate. when we are alone he will intensely look me in the eye and does a sexy eyebrow lift. if ever i need help it does not matter where or when he drops everything to come and help me. in the beginning he told me he was very attracted to me and now we act as if nothing ever happened between us. however he still has not worked on his marriage. one day whilst hugging i heard him swallow and i am sure he heard me too. this in anticipation of a kiss. so we avoid being alone.he told me he does not want to break my home. do you think he could be loving me and don't want me to know this, as he his like a brother to my husband? i love my husband but fear that i have developed feelings for this guy. when he is not around i feel very empty. it saddens me to think i could even do something like this as it is not in my nature. neither is it in my friend. i am trying very hard not to let him know how i feel and i think the same applies to him.
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male
reader, MugenTj  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 You're situation is very intriguing!
Since moral is a relative concept, what you're doing is fine is my book. EXCEPT, you always have to think about who you might be hurting, along with who you are making more happy.
If in your shoes, and everything has led to this point, I would ask what I really want first before assessing what the guy is thinking or feeling.
If I'm correct, the reason you had a fling, would it be because your husband isn't meeting your expectations. I also understand this isn't a perfect world, maybe the other guy has something to offer that your husband cannot. At this point, you have feeling for both. Then following the Way, simply do your job as a wife and care about the friend in secret. When it is safe, have your fun with the friend.
But your question is just about "is this love?" Then I would say: "Sure, you care, and he cares. So what?" I hope you are not going to decide your course of action because of a label. The concept itself is not something normal people has a good grasp of. Even though I know what love is I don't know where to start. What I can tell you is that love is not exclusive like people suppose. If what you mean is: "Am I the one he should be with, and should I be with him instead of my husband?" Then it matters.
You should really talk to your friend about this, ask him meaningful questions, be as direct and simple as possible.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): thanks to eddie for not being jugemental and the sound advice you have given me.just as an update i would like to inform you that it was my birthday a few days ago and my husband invited our friend to my birthday party.he was away and had plans with his wife.he knew about the party quite a while as he designed the invertation and was asked to come.a week before the party in passing my husband asked if he was going to be there he was told no,and so was asked "do you want me to tell my wife you wont be there".i was put on the phone to talk to him.i did not accept any excuse,the next thing he sends my husband a message stating he will fly in,in that week.he flew in with his wife and brought her to the party .they where there for like half an hour and she said she was feeling seek he had to take her home.however promissed to come back but did not as she did not want him to return.the next morning my husband told him to bring his wife over for breakfast he rocked up alone and she went her own way.he was very appologetic for not returning the night before eventhough he called a friend on the night to inform us that he was unable to return.she is gone back home and he remained behind for the rest of the week.i still get the cold shoulder now and then.i have taken into thought what you said about remaining faithful and that is all i want wright now.i am confused with what my friend has done,cause no friend will fly in and cancel plans with their husband/wife just to be at some ones fuction.then when things does not go the way you want it have breakfast to make it up to the other person unless there are serious feelings.correct me if i am wrong is this love?just want to know.thank you for your insight
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 May 2011):
 Whether or not he is trying to work things out with his wife, it sounds like he doesn't want to ruin your relationship with your husband. He is trying to be the strong one and being cold towards you.
I am sure on some level, he is tempted to go back to the way things were with you, but you both agreed to go your separate ways. He obviously doesn't want the guilt to come out if and when you guys are busted.
At this point, I think you need to ask yourself if you really wanted to end this relationship. Now that you've called off your fling, it sounds like you need him more than ever and that you have indeed developed strong feelings for him. Be that as it may, you need to ask yourself do you prefer him or your husband, or are you willing to continue seeing him with all the risks involved.
Only you can answer that question.
Sounds like you need some time to get over your lover or sort your feelings out. Maybe you need to rekindle what you found in your lover with your husband. If you are serious about remaining faithful, I'd also try to limit as much as possible, your contact with the other guy -- including phone calls and so forth to check up on him.
I also hope you honestly weigh in with yourself about what is missing in your life that you would seek such an arrangement in the first place. I know you are caught between a rock and a hard place, but most of the time, this is what happens to these marital flings (even the so-called no strings attached ones) -- one person gets attached to the other and a world of hurt ensues.
Good luck.
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