A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:while I was in the military I started playing world of warcraft. I used it to keep my self entertained and to help me stay out of trouble. While playing the game I met a woman who I instantly clicked with, our discussions and playing time, became more and more important to us. I knew hardly anything about her, but I fell in love with her. luckly I found out that she is a lawyer, and is very beautiful. we both fell in love with each other and would spend time together every chance we got. I would fly to be with her or fly her down to be with me. it was very hard for both of us, we were unsure about the future. she had problems with my schedule and the fact that I had no control over my life. thats how the military is. I did all I could to comfort her and reassure her that I love her and would do anything I could for her. I was injured and in the process of being discharged from the army. when all the stress of her, the video game, my superiors, and the army was weighing heavy on me. some how I made it through. we decided that i would move in with her and her roommate and start my schooling. while living together we had small problems, as people always do. I made mistakes, and said some things that hurt her feelings. I got upset a few times and she took it really hard, when I would get angry at her for doing things I thought were stupid. I was still trying to adjust to normal life outside the army, and honestly I have never been in a relationship. even though Im 27, I know its sad, I've just been unlucky when it comes to love.I feel that she never forgave me for the little things that went wrong, and that she would over analyze all the negative things, like getting upset at her driving, or her taking forever to get ready. I also think that she gave so much more weight to the negative things, then the positive things like the foot rubs, flowers, amazing sex, watching movies together, etc.We were living in LA california. I am from West Virginia, so I know no one, or anything. its all new to me and I went to that place for her love alone. if we got into an argument and my feelings were really hurt I would start packing my bags, or say "ill go home to my family that loves me" I know now how horrible that is to do or say. I know who wrong I was, but I cant be forgiven. eventually she comes to me and says that I should go home. this is after I stopped saying that and committed fully to the relationship, for better or worse. It broke my heart to leave her side, but thats what she wanted. we discussed it. that I should go home and go to school. it would take me 3yrs to get my nursing license. and she would use that time to stand on her own two feet, and get her career as a lawyer in line. I didnt want to go but I knew this was a fight I couldnt win. after ariving home, we talk about our problems and she tells me that we should both be free to grow, and I should experience life. that i should date and go to parties, if I meet someone special I should be with them, and in 3yrs if were both ready and willing we could try again. I was destroyed, I took time to deal with that. still I dont want anyone else sexually. but I know that she is dating, and if she hasnt she will sleep with someone else. that hard for me to deal with. she is my treasure, I dont want anyone else touching her.when I left I thought that I could fly back often to be with her, and that we would still be together. now I dont think that she would be comfortable with me visiting, we have talked about it, though she hasnt said that, I get that feeling of hesitation. I know that if I did visit it she would want it to be as friends. its hard to be around someone you love more then anything and not touch them. but I would try.I know she cares about me, not that she loves me the same as before, but she wants to keep me in her life in some aspect, forever. I am afraid of ending up in the friendship zone in the end. Im afraid that she will find someone else who is a better match for her on paper, career, schooling, social status, etc. and that she will choose logic over love. if that happens I dont think I can be in her life, the pain it would cause would be too much. she is in control of our communications. she keeps her phone on vibrate and dont replay to my text or emails. she calls me when she drives home from work or before bed. unless she is out on a date or trying to socialize and make friends. all I can do is try to support her, and comfort her. let her know I still love her and want to be with her. my emails make her feel special because im romantic and very open with my feelings. but she cant tell me about her dates or anything like that becuase it hurts me and I dont take it too well.I have been working through that, so that I can still be there for her in hopes that in the end we will be together. every day is hard for me but I dont want to give up or let go. I want her to be happy more then anything so I deal with my issues and try to only support and comfort her, make her feel special and desired. I have my weak points, I know I cant show them to her, because it pushes her away. i have several times, im doing better at keeping it to myself though.we dont talk as often or as long as I would like, but I take everything I can get, and view it as a gift. what should I do? what are my chances in the end? she has spent her life going from long term, to long term relationship, and I have never really had a relationship before her. what can I do that will put us together in the end, and would visiting be a good idea?
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male
reader, Azarath +, writes (27 November 2007):
 compliments... she tells me that im very romantic and poetic. in response to the emails. our conversations have been better lately. I have told her of parties and other girls that I have met. but I am honest about them and the fact that im not attracted to them. I feel that she is more comfortable being open with me, she has told me there have been a few guys that wanted commitment and such, but she isnt interested in that at this point. she wants to be free and an individual. I still make more contact with her then she does with me, but she works long hours most of the time, and I am currently unemployed. so I have a lot more free time then her. the other night she called me while I was at a party. of course she came first, besides the cops had already showed up, and we all know its not a party until they do. lol we talked for about 30min then she called me back about an hr later with a song that she wanted me to hear. love reign o'er me by pearl jam, she said it reminded her of my emails and wanted me to hear it. I have seen the things that I did wrong in our relationship and I tell her about my understanding, I dont take all the blame, I make sure to remind her of the things that were out of my control. I think miss communication was a problem and her being hyper sensitive to every little wrong that I made, had the biggest affect on us. I believe that came from the pressure of the relationship, the fear of commitment, her last relationship ended in calling off a marriage about a week before it happened, and her fear of not being fee. I still love her and hope to be with her, but I understand that if I dont get back to work and school. find things to take up my time I will eventually drive myself crazy, by longing for her. anymore advice that anyone could give would be greatly appreciated. I have had other relationships and been with a lil over 20 girls in my life, just none like her. the relationships ended kinda quick, because I dont put up with BS and lies. those are the big sins that I dont forgive. so I have had other relationships just not any that lasted much longer then a month. 3yrs is a long time, but so is 50, and I knew the first time our eyes met, that she is who I want to set on the front porch with and watch the grand kids cut grass. thanks to your advice I have decided not to sell my self short, or just accept the next best thing. I will move forward with her in my heart, if fate does not put us back together I will accept that and move on again. this isnt the first time I have had my heart broken, but its the first time I have wanted to hold on for dear life. once again thank you for your advice, and any other wisdom would be appreciated.
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (21 November 2007):
 Personally sweetheart you have given so much of yourself and as this was your first relationship you are the one who has been learning the lessons of life.
Coming out of the forces must have been a huge culture shock for you and perhaps moving in together when you did was really the wrong time for you as you had never had that situation before.
So OK it has happened now and whilst you remain the shoulder for her to cry on so to speak you will never move forward.
Unfortunately the hardest thing to say to you is that you need to draw back. Don't be the one at the end of the phone whenever she feels it is OK to ring you. Be a little more elusive. If she truly has feelings for you she will need to do some of the running as that is a massive draw for anyone.
Be telling her constantly that you love her and that you are there for her she does not have to try and win your affections, you have laid them on a plate for her.
I think dating other people would be good for you as you need to get more experience in just dating even if you don't want sex.
Your ex is not living like a hermit and so why should you.
You need to get out and live right now as that may in a very daft way might draw her back. When someone knows that their ex is living life to the full they are either a) happy for them and can move forward or b) jealous and they want them back as they sound like their life is full of fun and laughter and they are missing out.
Yes it is a gamble but life is for living and by sitting around moping is not going to get you anywhere. Start living your life right now.
3 years waiting to see if you are ever going to get back is just a lot of time wasted that you could be having a great time with new friends.
Don't waste this precious life we have, we are here only once and we have to make the most of the time we have.
You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't settle on the one and only person you have had a relationship with, she has her own faults to so just remember that.
You could end up with a completely different girl who is so in tune with you on all levels and you could miss out on her if you long for your lost love. Don't wait too long that's all I am saying.
Make your life full, go to the gym, go to parties live life as when you do speak to your ex tell her how great your life is right now and try not to keep on bolstering her ego but bolster your own for a change.
Does your ex ever try to give you compliments or is it all one sided?
Keep me posted eh! Keep smiling too!!
BFN
Country Woman
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