A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in quite a difficult situation. My ex boyfriend was living on the streets recently. The battery on his phone had run out one night. He met this guy who was also living on the streets, and he borrowed the guy's mobile phone to speak to me. Me and this guy got talking too. On that first night, both of them were drunk, so I didn't think I would speak to this guy again, but we have been keeping in touch every day for almost a month now. We have said that we feel attracted to each other. Some things worry me though, such as him being homeless, and he has schizophrenia. I don't like to judge people on that, and I think that everyone has the right to be happy with someone. But, I knew someone else with schizophrenia one who was a violent person. I'm not sure if this guy is violent. We have spoken a little bit on Skype too. I feel awful because my ex is also mentally ill. He is in a psychiatric unit at the moment for a while. He says that he still loves me and wants to be with me. He would be upset if he knew what has happened with this guy. He told me to block his number the day after we first got talking, but I didn't want to. This guy is staying with a family member for a while at the moment. I'm not sure how long for though. He wants us to meet each other in person. He is staying in the city where he is originally from at the moment. I don't live near there, but I visit there quite often, and have friends who live there. I'm not sure what to do. I would like to meet him, but I am worried.
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drunk, my ex, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 Hi are you close to your mother? Could you possibly talk to her about this? I am scared that this guy could be using your better nature to either take money from you or to have a roof over his head. You should speak to someone, an adult you trust to make sure you are being safe.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2017): We are getting strong feelings for each other. We are so much alike.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2017): Sweetheart you are walking a dangerous path.
When your exboyfriend borrowed his homeless friends phone it was not in an effort to link you up with his mate was it?
But thats exactly what you have done!
You didnt delete his number or block it but kept the contact going.
Then you escalated it to meeting.
Your talking about 2 homeless guys who have nothing to lose by linking up with anyone who has a bed, a house or a duvet.
Day and night these guys think of a better life and the way to get it.
You are being above naive by pushing a borrowed phone to a relationship.
On the streets noone has anything more to lose except their life and thats a daily threat.
You should not have toyed with this guy at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): You cannot be serious, thank you for your kind words. I agree with everything you said. I used to be homeless for a short time myself. I was dating my ex who I told you about at the time. I had been having problems with my family as they found it hard to cope with my problems, so I went to stay with my ex. That didn't work out either.. I ended up staying in a women's refuge. They helped me to find a place. I had to take the first one that was offered to me as I was classed as homeless. I don't really like the town I live in, but the street I live on is quiet and safe, and I feel lucky that I didn't end up on the streets. I need more help though which I haven't been getting. Things were so bad a couple of years ago that I ended up in a psychiatric unit too for a while.I want to have a chance of being happy with this guy, but I am concerned about both of our problems. I feel more stable now that I used to be, although, I know I will never be completely ok. He said that he will always be friends with me if I changed my mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): MODNOTE: this appears to be an update by the OP..............................................He says that he thinks about me all the time. I think about him too. He says that he wants a relationship to develop between us. We have a lot in common, and make each other laugh a lot. I'm not sure how to ask him whether he is stable enough for a relationship or not without offending or upsetting him?.Also, we have done one video chat on Skype because he said that he would feel more comfortable seeing what I look like before we meet. I am not really comfortable with video chats as I am self conscious. He says that he wants to do more video chats. When he saw what I look like, he said that I am beautiful and he thinks I am out of his league, but he also said he still wants us to meet. I want to ask whether he takes medication for his schizophrenia and want to find out whether he has ever been violent or not, but I'm not sure how to ask. We tried to meet in my home town once. He was waiting for me with a female friend of his who lives in my home town. Unfortunately, I ended up at the wrong place by accident and couldn't phone him at the time, so we didn't meet that time. I explained what had happened to him. He seems genuine as he waited for me with his female friend ( I asked if she could be there as I was nervous about meeting him ). He said that she wants to be friends with me too.He also said that he would talk to my mother on the phone about how much I mean to him too. We have both been hurt in relationships in the past by people who have ignored us a lot. I also have depression, anxiety, and aspergers syndrome, so it hasn't been easy for me either.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 February 2017):
It is none of your ex’s business who you speak to or associate with. Make sure he knows that. As for meeting this guy, it’s up to you and you need to follow all the usual precautions when meeting a stranger: don’t give out your address, meet in a public place and tell someone where you are going. The bigger question is whether you should meet him?
It’s great that you don’t want to be judgemental about his mental illness. I applaud that. It certainly should not stop anyone from being perfectly suitable for a happy relationship. But look at the facts: he is homeless and drinking. His life is very unsettled. Is his mental health stable at the moment? What I’m really asking is whether he is emotionally available right now for a relationship, or whether he first needs to get his own affairs more in order.
Take things very slowly and proceed with caution would be my suggestions.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 February 2017):
 Just wanted to say it makes my blood boil that, in this "civilized" country, mentally ill people are living on the streets because we do not have the support they need. The government will always find money to bomb countries who have done us no wrong but they cannot channel some of that money into looking after the most vulnerable in our society. Sorry, it just had to be said. Sending hugs and wishing you all the best.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 February 2017):
 Stop going for unstable guys. What future can you have with a homeless man who probably can't stay on his meds?
They need help, but they're in no position to date anyone.
Go for guys who are stable in their life. You're old enough to want to settle down and not be the only household contributor.
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