A
female
age
30-35,
*ickii
writes:Hi, I'm not sure where to start really.I've been in a relationship for 4 years. Basically I felt that he couldn't commit to me. He never asked me to move in or when we'd talk about it he'd come up with so many excuses, he had issues showing his feelings and he has contacted other girls behind my back on several occasions. The last time he did that, I ended it and partly because I had feelings for someone I worked with. This man who I work with told me he had feelings for me and was really sweet, he's been nothing but supportive of me. This nade me think I felt something for him and so I was honest with my partner and told him, causing us to break up but partly because I'd had enough of the poor treatment too. Last night my ex partner called me up, he wrote a letter to me and read it out and for someone who struggles to show their feelings then this is a big deal. I feel so confused now as he said he loves me and doesn't want to end it but in the same breath said he can't be with me as I said I had feelings for somebody else. Now I just feel terrible and confused and I really need some advice. I have never been in this situation before and I don't know what to do. Please help!
View related questions:
I work with, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mickii +, writes (18 November 2017):
Mickii is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for taking your time out to give me some really good advice. I really appreciate it and I have found it very helpful ??
A
female
reader, Beets  +, writes (18 November 2017):
 If your long-term exboyfriend of 4 years truly, seriously wanted to be with you, all this love talk would have happened long before the break up. When you find someone who means the world to you, you do everything in your power not to alienate them. That includes not flirting with others, and not causing that person to feel insecure by triangulating them with another.Love does not behave that way. I do not believe for one second that this ex has had an epiphany and suddenly realizes that you're the one who got away. This is not a Hollywood movie! Those are fake! They do not show true love. True love does not behave like your ex did. Unless he has had intensive counseling to help him to see his issues and how he can fix them, and unless he's willing to bring you to his counselor so that they can together convince you that he is on the up and up, I would run, run, run from him. Block him so he cannot lure you back in. He wants to use you and then discard you harder than before. Run away. Never look back. Do not be recycled goods. He hasn't learned his lesson. His words are a smoke screen. He showed you who he was by his actions. Believe the actions.
...............................
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (16 November 2017):
 I don't think that either men are good for you and you should cut all ties with both.
Your ex couldn't commit to you, when he had 4 long years to do so and this guy at work, please don't waste your time.
Dating work colleagues is a bad idea and what if things don't work out?
You'd feel so uncomfortable going in to work daily and having to face him, plus who knows what gossip may fly around the office.
You should move on forward, "alone" and find your closure, before even starting to think about dating anybody else, because you don't want to take "baggage" into your new relationship.
That wouldn't be fair, to somebody who doesn't deserve it.
Also, you don't really need to be on the search, too soon, for a bf, or even a future husband.
All you need to do, is to make new and varied friendships and take things from there.
If/when something "clicks" with someone and is meant to be, it will be and trust me, you'll know.
All the best!
...............................
A
female
reader, Mickii +, writes (16 November 2017):
Mickii is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much everyone, I feel like you have all told me what I needed to hear and I really appreciate the advice. Thank you :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2017): Of course the guy came running back after he realized he had fully lost you. If you take him back he will be good for a few weeks but will probably go back to treating you how he used to. This is speaking from many repeated experiences.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2017): Don't recycle through your exes. You get a little weary after a second romance doesn't work-out; so you go running back to what's familiar and predictable.
That first four-year relationship has run its course. He was tipping around behind your back, and he didn't treat you right. You went searching for what you needed elsewhere. He's not going to let you forget that. It's always going to comeback in your face. That's what you need to get as far from exes as you can.
So now he's transformed, all new and improved? He's totally changed?
Nah! Same dude, just can't find another chick to put-up with him like you did!
Distance yourself from both those men. Messing around with co-workers is never a great idea. Then you've got to face the mess you've made 35-40 hours a week. It must be hard to concentrate on doing your job!
Clear your slate. Neither relationship worked-out.
Now you need to work on your independence. Learn how to flush guys out of your system once and for all. If it doesn't work, don't go burying yourself waist-deep in the same old muck. Wish your ex well, and swipe to the left!
Time to be single and independent for awhile. You have to live single periodically to get your head straight after a breakup. Do some self-improvements, and accomplish a few things you wanted to do that got sidetracked.
You can date short-term and casually for fun. If only more women could learn to do that! You don't have to make every guy you go out with your boyfriend! If you widen your selection you'd increase the chances of finding a good match. Don't always be on a manhunt for a boyfriend or a husband. Don't hold-on to a reject, let him go. Move on.
Don't live from one relationship to the next. Take a breather. You were in one for four years.
Your ex wanted a long-term perpetual-girlfriend. He didn't even want you to move in. If you did move in, he'd be like living with a roommate. He didn't know how to show you affection. What on earth kept you together for four long years?
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2017):
 The best thing that you can do is cut your ex off. Yes he loved you, and am sure that you loved him. But it is in the past. Off course you are both going to still have feelings but you need to accept that the relationship didn't work out. You felt neglected being with him, and he was scared to commit to you. Tell him you are sorry but it is over and that you both should stop contact until you are both ready to move on and over the relationship.
...............................
|
