A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just recently found out that my wife, I'm a lesbian, only watches straight porn. I'm questioning a lot now, not so much about how I feel about her but if I could ever truly make her happy or if I have ever truly satisfied her. She's brought it up about sleeping with other people, and I am not okay with that. She's my wife, I don't want anyone else touching her. It's hard enough for me to think about her with with any of the men she had dated but to know that she'd be doing it now...Anyway do you think I have anything to be worried about? She always tells me that she's gay and that she finds men disgusting but now I find out that she watches straight porn. I don't get it and I'm very confused now, and I don't want to make her feel like it's weird or not okay. I'll be honest though, I'm turned off by it. Like, she sends me pictures of her masturbating and now I know it's while watching straight porn. Idk and I definitely don't feel like she's attracted to me anymore now. Can anyone help? I love my wife but I don't want to stay with someone that I will never be able to please in multiple ways.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2017): You say she's brought up sleeping with "other people." Has she talked about sleeping with men? If so, I'd say you may have something to worry about. (But maybe not? Only she really knows.)
I think the porn angle verges on irrelevance.
Best of luck!
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (16 November 2017):
 I am sure your wife loves you totally and is very turned on by you, OTHERWISE, i doubt you'd still be together.
You know, your wife's fascination with "straight porn" may actually be purely out of "CURIOSITY" if anything.
She may just like to "view" men and women having sex, but this DOESN'T mean that she's into that scene in "real life".
Watching porn is pure fantasy and it's got nothing to do with her reality or reality in general.
Once she turns off her computer, she knows that she's not going to follow through with this porn interest in "straight sex".
Why don't you talk to your wife and lay it all on the table?
Share with her, in a calm and rational manner, as to how her watching straight porn makes you feel within your marriage.
When she replies, please hear her out, without uttering a single word, no matter how tempted you may be.
After she's said her piece, then you can express more.
Try not to let this worry you sick, because i doubt very much, that you've anything to worry about.
Porn in general, can be a very sensitive/touchy subject to many, because of the nature of the explicit content, however, once the deeds been done, what can you do?
You just have to bite the bullet and deal with it, confront it, OTHERWISE, your marriage will be on rocky ground.
I wish you all the best and let me know how you get on.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (16 November 2017):
 I think you are definitely overreacting. People watch all sorts of porn and it definitely doesn't reflect on what they actually like in real life. My God if people judged me based on the porn I have watched in my lifetime, they would think I was some sick....you know what. I don't know if you watch it or not, but most people I know watch all different kinds and it really has nothing to do with what they are attracted to in real life. In fact, oftentimes it is completely the opposite.
I'll be honest for the sake of honesty, I'm about as gay as they come and I've definitely watched plenty of straight porn. In fact I would go so far as to say it's probably 80 to 90% of what I watch because lesbian porn just doesn't seem very realistic to me and seems more like it's just geared towards men (which it is). It just doesn't really do it for me. And that's my preference. And if my girlfriend judged me for that and accuse me of being straight, well I would probably think that would be almost comical.
I'm not sure if she has given you a reason to question her sexuality in the past. If that is the case, then I can understand possibly where you are coming from. But if she has given you no reason to question her attraction for you, then I see no reason for this to bother you at all and the slightest bit. Just my two cents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2017): I watch a lot of porn that isn't images similar to my boyfriend or things he can do. Some of my porn watching is fantasy and curiosity. A lot of it is not something I would actually want for myself in real life but I can still fap to. I haven't cheated on my man for 9 years and would not cheat on him now, but we still have a great sex life, good communication, and similar interests, so I am so happy to have him. Maybe ask her how you could spice up your sex life or what really turns her on? If she is asking to open up the relationship, maybe she's not getting something. I am bisexual and have slept with women as well, and I can tell you there's nothing a real penis can do that a good dildo can't do better lol. The dildo will always work! Couples counseling can also help you guys express what you want to each other. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (16 November 2017):
I have learned from several sources that some lesbians watch gay male porn. This may sound crazy but I just Googled it and there are over 4 million links! I can't imagine that the lesbian viewers would actually want to engage with these men. More likely, they are twisting the porn and digesting only parts of what's presented. Transsexual porn is very popular with straight men now but, again, I doubt that most of these men would want to be with a transsexual. So, the link between what kind of porn people watch and what they want in their own lives is often not a 100% connection.
Like many people, she may want to sleep with a variety of folks. But she's chosen you to be the most important person in her life. She was probably aware of your monogamous preference before she married you. A lot of men would like their wives to do things they are not interested in (such as girl/girl/boy or anal) but the men frequently respect their wives' preferences and don't go there.
From what you've written, I don't think you should be worrying, at least at this point. There may be a day when she demands things that you will in no way to agree to. That's a different situation. But based on the reality of the moment, don't be concerned and learn to enjoy what you do have.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2017):
 You need to talk to your wife about this. Only she can help with your worries. You mention that she has been with men before so it could be a case that she is bisexual. Either way just because she watches straight porn does not mean she wants to be with a man and that she is lying to you. Plenty off married people watch gay or lesbian porn in a straight relationship and vice versa. Just talk to her and tell her how it has made you feel. Communication is the only way forward here before it builds up.
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