A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:help I am so unhappy in my marriage i no longer trust my husband and cannot get over his cheating he wont talk about what he has done and gets violent and throws things and he crabs me hits me i know i should leave but have no where to go and i dont think i can make it on my own i am so depressed crying most days he only gets mad when i ask him to tell me why he did cheat he says he dont know why.A person would know why would,nt they?I go over things in my mind and find things what i know just dont add up where can i get help i am desperate.
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (18 May 2009):
 Firt of all of course you have some where to go to get a way from him there are womens safe houses all over the country, my advice go to your local police station tell them exactly whats going on and they will get you into a safe house domestic violence is a serious crime and even though he may only get violent when you bring up his cheating its only a matter of time before it becomes more regular please be careful but let someone know whats going on
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): several things here....
the easiest first. No people don't know why they do thngs. they get caught up in a moment and then before they know it its happened. people are stupid and dont think or think to much before they do something. He didn't think of you when it happened.
the hard one - there is no excuse for violence. Ever. there are a lot of posts on this here, for example:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-leave-my-abusive-and-demanding-man.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/love-shouldnt-hurt-signs-of-abusive-behaviour.html
- read them and the responses. You need to find the strength to change this.
Now the really hard bit - you are trapped by him and you have nowhere to go. I would look to a friend, family etc. as a first step or womans shelter.
You have to want this to change - i think you do, So the next bit is finding the strength to make it change - nothing changes unless it does change and you can change it. You have taken a huge step by asking for advice - that took courage - so you have strength and courage.
He isn't into you if he does these things - there are Millions of men who are actauly men and don't abuse women.
go find them. (ok...not all of them, that would be daft. One or two maybe). Find someone who respects you - it will take time and be difficult but you have to find strength and believe.
Hugs Star.x.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (18 May 2009):
 Sweetheart I hate to say this but you need to get out of this violent relationship and the sooner the better.
You can't always work things out when you are in the middle of it all. You are depressed and rightly so.
A lot of people can't always answer why they cheat but there is normally a problem within a relationship that leads that person to find comfort in another's arms.
You say you have no where to go but surely you have family or some friend's? If not, then you need to find a safe house as this whole situation could get way out of hand and your safety is at risk.
Do you have any children at all?
You are trying too hard right now to over analyse things, he obviously is still at home, is he still seeing this other woman or has it ended?
How did you find out he was cheating?
Get yourself to your doctor and address your depression, has this been around before you found out he was cheating? Do you normally talk about things with him or has all lines of communication become non existent?
Let's get some more info from you and see if there is a way through all of this, believe me there is life after cheating but it really does depend on what YOU want out of life. If you have children then you also need to consider their safety, if not consider your own and put yourself first for once eh!
Wait to hear from you.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 May 2009):
You sound depressed and you need to see your doctor about it. You need professional help to get emotionally and mentally stable.
After that you can start to think practically.
You say you have no where to go. Get on rightmove.co.uk. Look at rental places in your area. Can you afford that? Do you work? If not then start looking for a job.
If you can't afford to live alone then head to somewhere like gumtree.com, and put in your nearest city and look for a flat share.
Is the house you live in yours? Is it in both your names? Have you helped pay for it?
If so then when you leave you should sell up and then you can use half the cash to find somewhere of your own.
There is absolutely NO reason why you "can't make it" on your own. What does "make it" even mean?
Millions and millions of women manage to house and feed themselves. There is nothing stopping you doing the same.
Good Luck!! xx
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