A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I was with my fiance since the age of 18,We hadn't gotten married yet on my account because i wasn't ready.But as far as everyone including us were concerned, we were. He was my first and the love of my life. We were together for 15 years and I started seeing someone else behind his back. There is no excuse. I had this part of me that never experienced anyone but him, never lived on my own and never had freedom and all I knew was him. I came to him and told him after i had been seeing this person for 2 months. He forgave me. But I again started. This was back and forth 3x. So after a year of this, I told him I needed to leave, that I didn't think I was inlove with him anymore. I walked away and swallowed a bottle of pills that lead me to the "Ward" in the hospital. I was there a week and it changed me. I knew I only wanted him, only loved him. I always loved him but needed whatever happened to happen in order for me to be 100% sure. We spent a few days apart. Saw eachother and I adored that time together more then I ever did in my life. But while I was in the hospital, He leaned on a girl I worked with ( 12 years younger then he was ) I had confided a few things in her, which she used to her advantage and she got her claws into him. They have been together for 8 months now. All this time he and I have kept in touch and I'm sure she does not know about it. We tell eachother we are soul mates. But all he keeps saying is he needs time for the pain to heal. He has has thrown his sad emotions as well as his very angry emotions at me. I believe he isn't trying to get over the pain, but over me. Is it possible that a love as strong as ours was for 15 years and all the amazing wonderful things we had to be taken away by One huge horrible mistake I made. Is she a band aid on his heart. Can one push the love of there life out of his heart and replace it by another so quickly. I'm hanging on by a thread because he is every breath in me. Please help and give me some advice on what I can do to get him back!!!Hopelessly,Ms want to be Mrs.
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (10 May 2009):
 Making a wrong lane change is a mistake.
Cheating is not! It is a conscious decision that you undertook without any regard for anyone but yourself.
You lost your rights the moment you cheated on him.
He was smart to leave you. I love it that cheaters seem to "see the light" after the victim leaves them. what you should do is leave the poor guy alone. You are selfish to think that its all about you.
Ever stop to think that maybe he actually has built something based on trust?
You lost that trust when you spread your legs for another man.
You seem to think that he should work on getting through this so you can get back together. And because you put your relationship in jeopardy in the first place, you must now suffer the consequences of your actions, even if those consequences are delayed.
You say there is no excuse, but your whole post is littered with excuses. If you weren't happy you should have done something other than cheat!
Sorry, but that ship has sailed.
Time to move on
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): Dear Ephifiny,
Klara - is right this is tough- and will hurt.
You love him? if he is happy with someone else - then you have to let him go. If you don't then that means you would be happy with him being miserable. That is not love. Let him go...
now about you.
i think you just had an ephifiny and now its time to change your life. you feel down and sad because of this. Well I think you have to show your Ex how you can be - become the best person you can - you will struggle - but if you truely love him - you will do this and you become his friend.
Its going to hurt, no two ways about it. But you will cope. And rather better you will love again, only stronger - because of what you have learnt this time.
Ways that can help you I have mentioned in this post:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-move-on-after-breaking-up.html
use this techinique - it will work.
I think you are a stronger person than you were - it took courage to post here, i think you are about to change into the most fabulous transformation since the caterpillar decided it wanted to fly.
Hugs Star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): Firstly. he's in a relationship..and you need to respect that. That alone will tell him you have his best interests at heart...not just yours. So please don't interfere.Now, it really sounds like the 'pain' he speaks of is the lack of trust he has in you. Which you are painfully aware of. Right? So he's doing the next best thing...he's going on with his life and trying to make a go of it with the new gf. And maybe you don't know, maybe he prefers a the comfort and ease of a relationship with her because what they share, based on solid, unwavering trust. So if he's given a choice...you or her..who's he going to pick, at this point of his life? I don't need to tell a gal your age, how trust in a relationship... is crucial. But I will anyways. Trust is the foundation of all healthy, committed, loving relationships. Trust is always earned and retained, over the life of a relationship. So if you and him were engaged for 15 years, it's safe to say he truely believed and sincerely thought you would never do this to him...and that is to cheat. A good sign here is, he's talking to you, which means he has forgiven you..but forgiving you doesn't mean he's going to set himself up to take another fall. So in theory, let's just say he does break off with the current gf and you want to date him again? What are you prepared to do to prove your good, honorable intent, here. Are you willing to display trustworthy actions to prove and to re-establish the trust again. It's all going to depend on the degree of sincerity that you show him. And he will have to be strong and set some big, tough boundries of how he will trust you. You will have to earn this back, in baby steps and it takes time and patience. First he'll trust you to this point, then a bit more, and a bit more until, finally, he will trust you completely. If you don't think you can put the sincere efforts in, then don't get back with him. But in the end, only he will know for certain when he can trust you, again. If it ever becomes possible to rebuild this relationship, you will also need to be willing to admit that your less than admirable behavior did harm him, and you need to be willing to go through a positive, transformation to demonstrate that you aren't the same person who lied to him, before. It can be done and you could build a new relationship based on new values and respect. However, it's a big risk on his part and you can't blame him for staying put where he is. Some people can never work this through after a cheat...other's can. It's dependent on the two people involved. Good luck, bide your time respectfully, and who knows the chance may come up. If it doesn't you need to think about moving on to new dating opportunities, hun. Take care!
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