A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. Please help me to select the right path. I love a guy very much . He also loves me the same. We r emotionally attached. But due to some family problem we can't get married.He asks me to give my virginity to him before my marriage. I also want to make my first love with him out of emotions not out of lust . But at the same time i know that one day i have to marry a different man. My boyfrnd says that after mine and his marriage to different partners we both can keep secret relation for lifetime by meeting once every 6 months. what should i do. I don't want to hurt my love. He says ur would be husband might also have slept with some one. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): IMHO, it's as if you're asking: "should I put pleasure in front of honor, loyalty, dignity etc."? wait until the situation is clarified and you're in a stable relationship (be it with him, or someone else ... you might end up loving other guy(s) more than this one), I mean ... very stable :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): DO NOT do it! if you cannot be with him, do not share urself with him. why would you want to awaken something that could potentially affect the rest of ur life?
you CANNOT keep relations with him after you are married b/c not only will you be betraying your own husband but you will also be turning into a home wrecker.. just let go.. or be with him.. i was in a similar position... i couldnt be with my love either... he got enganged and we still saw eachother.. i died a little everytime i saw him b/c i knew he belonged to someone else and i was the "other" woman.. he still loves me and still says he wants to marry but.. but i cant...b/c i cant choose him over my family...
so just stir clear or marry him...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): This is the third question of the day I am trying to help for a female who is aged 26-29 from India.Interesting..
Uncle Phil summed it up in the best way more than I could have done.I suggest you read and reread his words.
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A
male
reader, just a man  +, writes (3 December 2008):
....reminds me of a movie..."same time next year"...alan alda has a 50 year affair with his high school sweetheart, both are married to other ppl, but are hopelessly in love with each other.... they have been carrying on for a long time...they realize they are getting older, and can no longer keep up their love affair...it is a sad, movie, yet it made my view of life, and love a little stained....listen, i have done almost everything in my life WRONG, in hindsight, it seems it MUST have been intentional, but it has made me very, very wise beyond my years...you need help with this, from an older lady from your own culture, maybe your mother, but using american politics, in the mean time, can help you....make the guy you are SUPPOSED to marry, look like a wreched man, who would do you great harm, and has no seed for sons....maybe you can make a deal with your father.but do not provoke you family's anger, and if your stuck, then you are stuck...you are smart, so work this out...that being said, do not "go all the way" with youor love unless you intend on dealing with the wrath of family....if you were in america, i would have a completely different answer for you!!, lol, good luck, with this, your biggest adult decision so far. get it right, and live with the results
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): I think I understand the cultural differences between your country and mine, so I realise this is a very difficult dilemma for you. In the western world losing one's virginity before marriage is no longer the big deal that it once was, and consequently finding a virgin bride is not easy (or preferable, some would say).
I think you have to ask yourself how your future husband would deal with finding out that he was not your first. How would your families react if they found out?
I don't think the idea of meeting once every six months for sex is a practical one - you might even find yourselves in different countries once you are married. You may come to love your future husband more than you can imagine right now, and him you. Would you want to betray someone that you really loved with all your heart and soul?
Is there any way that you could get your respective parents to arrange a marriage to the person you love now, whatever the problems may be? I know that's probably not possible, but it might be worth trying to make them see you are in love with him, and that you would marry him if you could.
Your culture being what it is, I can only recommend that you save yourself for your husband - whoever that may be.
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A
female
reader, MissUnique  +, writes (3 December 2008):
 Hi, look, nobody on here can choose what's best for you, we can say what we think about the situation, tell you what we would do but this is a matter you eventually have to sort out on your own.My advice would be that sleeping with him, having a secret relationship while you're married...it'll all end up a mess. Having an affair would just be so cruel...on everyone. You, your boyfriend, your husband. You want so much to have a relatioship with this man, even though it's not possible. Then by having an affair with him, it would complicate things even further. You would hurt yourself so much because it would be like half a relationship.Choose wether or not you want to give him your virginity. I can't do it for you.I wish you all the luck in the world and happiness, even if it's a long road to there.
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