A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:help!Is there any hope for us to get back together and if so what do I do? Please read on for the whole story...oh yeah forgive the length just figured more details will help you give me the advice I need! :) and thanks in advance for reading and your answers!we were in our relationship shy of three years than off and on again every couple months for apprx a year and a half. I have to say it was often me that called it off. I know this was an unhealthy way to treat our relationship but at times I would get frustrated and feel like there was no way to better our situation. I feared that he wouldnt realize how much things bothered/hurt me. I wanted understanding and honnest cmmunication. Through out the relationship and even when we'd be on and off again,I was very insecure and upset (basically not confident and unhappy where he was concerned).I would find out he'd flirt with someone else or find pics of him and other females where their body language was obviously flirtatious if nothing more(some pics were frm while we were together and he was on vaca and others frm when we were trying to "fix things"). Not to mention came a cross several flirtatious text msgs. Any time I have confronted him about these pics, txts or my insecurities he gets mad he swears up and down that he has never cheated on me and that even when we were/are apart there hasnt been anything else going on with anyone else. Trouble is i am not so sure. Am I just doing a really good job of convincing myself and should I take him at his word or is there something more to my madness??? I am certain we both love each other just have a lot of hurt we have to overcome and try to communicate better.My faults= often nag him (my defence it was me telling/expressing to him what I was unhappy with or what upset me and wanting to talk about these things in hopes of fixing it!). I also have a tendancy when really upset/angry during our arguments to bring up past situations (that I am not 100% over because I was left to get over it on my own we never really worked them out.) this is because all the hurt seems to come flooding back everytime we are in disagreement. Is this normal? I want to make a concious effort to let that pain go and no longer hit him over the head (so to speak) with his mistakes.he says he never had complaints and he was happy and it was me that wasnt and I complained (not 100% true!)His faults= lack of ability to express/assure me of how he feels unless necessary or we are fighting. Also since we have been trying to fix things he too can't get over past situations (ie. when I'd break up with him and get back together and hurt him).I am sure we still love each other hence our several attempts to get bk together and fix it (prob is maybe effort is lacking each time or busy with other things ie. career/degrees). Last time we "gave up" was bc of a heated argument regarding msgs in his phone.
View related questions:
cheated on me, flirt, get back together, insecure, shy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): any possibility of getting advice/perspective from a male no offence ladies your response helped I would just like more input oppinions advice
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): A sign of a toxic unhealthy relationship is that it is on again off again. This ping ponging and back and forth rumination about should you end it or stay is keeping you stuck.Believe the evidence you find of other women, pay attention to his behavior, that is your reality, don't listen to his lies anymore.I agree he is an abuser, normal men do not treat women this way, they break up with you when things don't work out in a mutual fashion and they don't keep jerking you around.Take a look at my article on here, Relationship Red Flags, if your boyfriend has even half of these things, stay out.In fact stay out if he doesn't. He doesn't seem to think you are all that special, he keeps letting you go, he gets over your arguments and discussions as if nothing ever happened because he doesn't care that much about you. He is using you, as long as he get's what he wants he sticks around, if you try and set some boundaries like with the other women, he punishes you for it and says it is all your fault.Healthy relationships do not work this way....part of this is you wanting to hang in there with him to win the fight. You're not winning anything except more harm to yourself and your spirit. Let him go....tell him to stay out of your life this time forever and go no contact.Stay out of dating for awhile and learn to be happy alone and with yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): I have been thru a similar situation and sadly am still in therapy for it - to me from what I have learned - he is abusive. A man who wont try to listen or change when you have voiced what your concerns are, a man who said it is 100% ur fault. He may want 2 b with you so he can control you. So that you cannot be with anyone else.
I know you may think you love each other. I thought the same about my man. Find out how he treated the other women b4 u.
Good luck
...............................
|
