A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a 3yo relationship I struggled for sooo much. At the age of 33 it was my 1st relationship and the 1st guy I let so close, so I thought that's what I'm supposed to do.Now things have happened, he turned verbally abusive and manipulative, betrayed my trust irreparably, and I feel like I've mostly gave up on all of the needs and expectations I had and realized he is definitely not the one who can understand me. What I saw in the beginning I projected my innocence and pure intentions onto him, but the reality turned different to the point where I can't delude myself anymore.But the thing is I never met anyone who can understand me anyway. And despite of the undeniable flaws he is also reliable and loyal to an extent, caring when not stressed out by his psychological and addiction issues, sometimes fun to be around. He doesn't expect too much as I'm the one who's working and he hes health issues that prevent him, ans I encourage him to rest. He fails in the department of unselfishnes and gratitude but I do think he loves me as much as he, with his extremely difficult upbringing, even can.When he's not raging we have a good life, and when he is raging I feel like I showed him teeth efficiently enough that he wouldn't dare to abuse me any further than occasionaly to rarely yelling to my face.I'm pretty much sure the way I feel towards men and life, as someone with CPTSD and history of CA and CSA, who can not even go to therapy, I wouldn't be able tolet myself open up to anyone again. And I'm scared the way I am I couldn't have a functional life alone, tho that may be just a fear, but also a rational one.And I do love him when he's not pissing me off, my initial infatuation and idealization turned into pity and a kind of a love you feel for a good friend you may be somewhat attracted to. And sex secretly repulses me anyway and I've always had it to push myself and prove that I can, it's not something I can't endure and with him sometimes it even feels good when he's in the mood to push the right buttons.And also I'm pretty socially isolated and abandoned by many when I stopped hovering over them. No developed personality, no hobbies I enjoy anymore, mostly just hanging in there my whole life like one big trauma response of a person. And another reason for staying would be his 7yo daughter who comes over on weekends and adores me, and genuinely benefits from having me in life. Having kids of my own is something I'm firmly against too.So I guess I need help figuring out, shoud I stay and focus on the positives (friendship, somewhat emotions, sttiving to make even more functional life circumstances, positive influence to the kid) or should I go to the unknown. Thanks in advance for taking the time for me :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2024): So he is abusive, manipulative and betrayed you and you can't delude yourself any more. It sounds like you are staying with him out of fear of being alone. I think you need need to get some therapy in order to gain strength in yourself so you can build a life without him. It won't be easy but at least you'll have a chance to be happier.
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