A
female
age
41-50,
*ovleegirl
writes:I am 28 years old and have been married a little over a year. I am also 37 weeks pregnant with our first child. I just recently discovered that my husband has an internet porn addiction. I found out through my own means, while he virtually lied and denied everything. But, the facts are there... ie. credit card statements, and memberships to various porn sites. I also found out that he had a seceret email account that he would use just for his pornography. Through out our marriage and dating our sex life suffered greatly. He never wanted to have sex and never made advancements towards me. I was always the initiator and about 98% of the time would be rejected. I felt like I was always forcing him to have sex with me. Now that I found about his porn addiction everything seems to be clear and make sense. I want to leave him, but love him at the same time. I also have our baby to think about. Our baby is due in 3 weeks. He say's he'll never look at porn again but how can I believe him when he's lied to me so much already. He's kept this seceret through out our whole relationship and still continues to lie about how deep he was into it. How can I ever trust him again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): If your husband showed you any sexual interest I would say this is not too big a problem. Many normal men like porn and manage to have great 'real' sex with a partner. However it is worrying that he doesn't want to have sex with you, yet he clearly has a sex drive because he masterbates over porn. I am in exactly the same situation as you. My advice is to acept what he is because you cannot change him. I have tried for many years to initiate sex with my husband-and most of my efforts have been wasted. Put your wellbeing and your babies wellbeing first and leave him when you are ready. He cannot help the way he is and there is nothing you can do to change him. find yourself a normal man with a normal sex drive who is capable of making love to you(with or without porn). Your husband like my husband clearly prefers porn to sex
A
female
reader, prettykitty  +, writes (3 January 2008):
I'm in the same vote, lies, dishonesty and the same old story "i wont do it again"I have heard that countless times now. And the end is near where i cant trust him anymore and if you cant trust there is no point being together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): I've been through the same thing you have. First of all, focus on your baby and heal from that. You will have to tell your husband that you don't want to be with somebody who doesn't "want" you. There are plenty of men out there who probably would. You have to think about taking care of yourself and your self-esteem. You don't have to suffer and feel sorry for yourself. If he loves you, he will get help. You could start by getting rid of the computer completely. Through it out the window. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): to the last poster...what an idiot....you can tell its a man...probably a porn pig!have you ever been pregnantHave you ever been through the changes that entails?Go back to your porn...men like you will NEVER learn to respect women.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): This is just for fun. If he arranged to meet up with women on the internet then thats another matter but all he is doing is watching something he likes. Women need to stop feeling sorry for themselves. OK people like action, horror...films and so what if men naturally like adult films it doesn't make them less of a person its only human!
if you do tell him to stop then he deserves to stop you from doing something that you enjoy. Watching XX amount of TV, Limit how much you spend...
stop thinking of yourselves and grow up!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): Listen honey, ou dont need to put u with this crap......research has shown the only difference between the male and female brain is that women have more communication receptor...absolutely nothing to do wth more visula acuity...thats called excuses....Do you think its healthy for him to be looking at never changing or never aging flawless bodies as your body changes as all womens do after babies...hes the one that needs to grow up and learn to respect women...Beside men who watch porn have absolutely no way of knowing whether these 'women are women at all or just teenagers made up...its abuse and men tat use it are abusers...FULL STOP!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): Oh please ladies, get a life. There are worse things in life than men looking at naked women. Just stop and grow up. The male mind EVOLVED to like naked women. Without such evolution, the human species would not reproduce at all. You're going to make a man ashamed of himself for simply fulfilling the desires that nature gave him? Ok, if you want to play that game, why don't we BAN women from shopping for clothes or from buying jewelry. I think it's sick how in modern times everything a man does is portrayed as wrong and everything a woman does is right. So some poor guy who likes naked women is a worse person than all those women who marry men only for their money? Nature made men stronger, faster, and with a greater visual acuity and sex drive than women. If you don't like it, maybe you shouldn't be married or date men? ALL men are like this deep down and I think it's disgusting how women make men feel ashamed of being who they are and how they were made.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): My man had the same problem. I had to tell him how worthless it made me feel, that I felt like my body's not good enough for him if he preferred other naked women over me. I asked him how he would feel if I preferred looking at other men's penises and naked bodies, instead of his. And he was shocked and said he wouldn't like it at all (surprise, surprise). And how would he like random men to be looking at pictures of our daughter like that when she's older?
And I asked him to explain to me honestly (because the idea is totally beyond my comprehension) - how any red blooded male would prefer masturbating to naked pictures of strange women, when there's a warm and loving woman in his bed who adores him and wants to satisfy his every need?
He didn't have an answer. That conversation was like a revelation to him, he must've realised how stupid he was being and made a conscious effort to stop his porn addiction. He even went to a therapy group. Our sex life has dramatically improved and he even disconnected the internet at home to avoid temptation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Wow, i am so sorry honey. The more i get on here, the more I realize that im not the only wife with an unhealthy porno addiction. Its so hard to have the strength to leave, and i think its because of what you would have to tell everyone what happened.. Its embarassing. But with a child, i beleive that would give me the strength to leave. Because i always imagined my future with my husband, and i had nightmares that our little girl (if we ever have one, we dont have kids at the moment) walking in on him masturbating or looking at something innapropriate. And that just doesnt go over well with me. Its wrong, and they wont stop. I havent seen anybodys story yet when they have stopped. And neither has mine...
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