A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend 6 months and he is the most amazing man Ive ever met.However I am completely obsessed with his ex girlfriend who he was with for 3 years. They broke up 2 years ago because he freaked out about committed pressure (marriage, babies) and slept with someone else. He tried to get her back but she wouldnt take him back and he had been trying for 2 years to change her mind. She messaged him a couple of weeks ago. The thought of her is playing on my mind and I cant stop thinking about the two of them together. I keep stalking her on facebook and am jealous that she has a better job, uni degree and is prettier than me. I cant help but think that she is better than me in so many ways and that I am his choice #2, because he couldnt have her. I need to stop obsesssing over her, but how??
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broke up, ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, jealous, stalking Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): I had a similar thing with my boyfriend. He had been turned down sexually by a woman he wanted for about 5 years although they went out and worked / shared a house together and then he started going out with me. Suddenly this woman came back on the scene. My boyfriend swore blind that he didn't want her any more and they were just friends for old times sake but I couldn't stop thinking about how much I knew at one time he had wanted her and what had actually changed in his life to make him not still feel like that. I was not very confident so didn't feel things had changed in his mind due to me. Anyway I felt uneasy and one day after my boyfriend went for a medical and the nurse gave me his phone I did look at the messages and there was constant messaging and other stuff between the two of them. When I confronted him he said he didn't tell me because I would be suspicious but from then on I became obsessed with this woman and what was going on. In the end I had to dump him as I didn't really trust him and the whole thing was turning me a bit crazy.
Please try not to fixate on her as I did as you will make yourself ill. Keep in mind that she will want to see him and try to make contact and make yourself strong when she does. Do not give him the satisfaction of knowing how much it bothers you and try to rise above it all. She will then have no power over your relationship as it will appear outwardly that she is of no interest to you and you are not bothered. Don't keep talking to your boyfriend about it or he will start to see you as controlling. Just slightly remove yourself and your feelings and watch what is happening without getting too involved and upset until you can judge the situation clearly.
A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (20 January 2012):
 You need to pull yourself together, and i mean that in the nicest way possible - you are just as good as any ex gf and you can achieve anything you put your mind to, so do not compare yourself to her. Regardless of his hiostory with her, he is with you and the more you feel like 2nd best the more you might drive him away by accident.
Talk to him about how you feel before it grinds you down. You cannot carry on the way you are without driving yourself around the bend.
xx
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (20 January 2012):
Make it clear to your boyfriend that he is not to communicate with this person.
You can sit and "think it out" all you want to get over your stress, but really, that is what it will take.
This is not your "mental problem". It is something that has to be solved outwardly, not inwardly. It is quite normal for you to feel stressed about a man who once cheated on his girlfriend and then tried so long to get her back getting a text from that person.
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