A
female
age
30-35,
*ixiePie
writes:right, here goes...i don't know what to do with myself. in theory my life is good, i'm at college, got a decent relationship with my mum, got an absolutely amazing guy who would do anything for me and has asked me to marry him. but underneath it all things ain't so rosy and i'm going mental with it all.ok i lost my dad four and a half years ago now (that would make me thirteen then) and i absolutely adored the man. i had an awful time getting over it and thats when i became acustomed to self harm whenever things got too much. he was my escape, i could go to his and become a kid again but now he's gone and i have no escape. i'm absolutely hating college and that hatred is what set me off on this downward spiral. i want to get a job and earn money to support myself but that is causing friction between me and my mum. i also would like some quality alone time with my man, which we never get outside of the car, and i wouldn't call that quality time.another big issue is that last week i had a huge reminder that about a year and a half ago i was raped, i lost my virginity to that guy and its fucked me up more than i thought it would. but my main problem at the moment is that any little thing will set me off, like just now i was trying to order my mums christmas present online and it was so complicated i gave up and got so angry. i have nowhere that feels like home, nowhere to turn where i feel safe from everything that seems to be bearing down on me and nothing that can bring me out of this state.has anyone got any thoughts or advice, other than a therapist which i don't have time for and have tried before, that can help??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 These little things that set you off, sounds like they're only triggered by the larger trauma you've experienced. The affect of these experiences is what's causing this change in behavior. You have really been through a lot.
Last week, what happened that was the huge reminder? When your dad was your escape when things got to much, you said you'd go to his.... and left it at that. Where did you go and what would get to be to much where you'd need to escape prior to his passing?
I would recommend therapy, even more so I'd recommend finding a neurolinguistics programmer. In the meantime, if you're interested, send me an email, i'd be happy to send you information and exercises to start you in the right direction to move forward.
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