A
male
age
41-50,
*one
writes:I met her (A) last year at a christmas party and fell in love with her immediately. So beautiful. So funny. And damaged. I love those damaged girls. I even had a girlfriend at the time who I wasnt crazy about romantically but had a great friendship with. So I broke up with my girlfriend at the time and started a relationship with A.At the same time our friend who introduced us wont hang out with me. She has been my friend for like 10 years and gives me advice and such. Call her T. So T sells me Im a loser because I dont pay for everything all the time. I pay as much as I can seriously.Anways, come Valentines she goes away and doesnt call me on the day. It hurts me a lot. The next day Im hurt and she takes me to this great restaraunt and gives me chocolate and a sweet card and makes love to me. I have nothing. So we are wasted and after sex she kicks me out of her apartment because I dont have a gift for her. It gets so ugly. So ugly.We makeup. I spend over a grand with flowers and chocolates and concert tickets and other stuff. Time goes on and she dumps me out of the blue because I say I'm short on money at the end of the month. It's just the mention of money. $1000 later with jewelry and flowers and such and apology she takes me back.But I absolutely love this woman. Crazy in love. I want to marry her. We agree I take extra work over the summer so I can buy a $12,000 ring. I give it in the fall after asking her family and such. Right away this wall goes up. Sex dries up. No affection. Its like she hates me. Come halloween she seems so pissed at me we get in a little argument about us walking somewhere instead of driving. She locks me out of the apartment, I still have no keys. I keep buzzing. She comes down and throws the ring at me. Very ugly. I breakdown. I grab her and try to calm her, stop her from throwing our life away over something stupid and small. She smashes me in the face breaks my glasses.$500 later apologies and flowers she asks for the ring back, I give it.Still no affection, big wall between us. The3 week before thanksgiving I say calmly if we have this wall and you cant even hug or kiss me than this is not a real engagement. Its for facebook. And I take the ring back.Here is the question. Why do I still want to be with her? I still write letters and try to figure out the problem. Its been 6 weeks since Ive seen her but I still want her so bad. I even have a sweet young beautiful girl who takes care of me and loves me and gives me all the things I never got from her. But in my heart I want love and affection from the broken woman. Its sick. She wont talk to me and its driving me into madness. I know she has driven other men into madness before. I want to love the good girl but its hard.How do I shift my heart to love the one that loves me and not to love the broken one that gets so caught up in $$.
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broke up, christmas, facebook, fell in love, flowers, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, tone +, writes (3 January 2011):
tone is verified as being by the original poster of the question Im getting better I think. Its hard because I started the relationship at this time of year in 2010. I keep thinking about what I was doing last year and feeling so strong in my heart. The new woman I'm seeing is gone for a few weeks and I'm sick of missing women. I need to learn how to be alone before I can have a healthy relationship I think.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Broken women are oftentimes manipulative and sociopaths. This woman is clearly both. All she wants you for is your money and your gifts that you shower her with, and she knows that no matter how many times she burns you and breaks you down, you'll give into her because she's just that good. She uses your sympathies for her to win you over. It's not love. It's not affection. It's addiction to helping this woman and "fixing" her that you're attached to. If she were the complete opposite of how she were now, then the hot-and-cold, good-and-bad wouldn't be available to you, and it wouldn't be as enticing. I've heard of relationships like this before, and they never work out. You and this woman will NEVER work out. She's a terrible person and will only hurt you over and over again because you let her. She knows she can, and she will. You need to cut all contact with this other woman. Stop sending letters. Don't call her. Don't e-mail her. Don't put anymore effort into a relationship with her. She's not worth your time. She needs help that you can't give her, and it's not your job to do so, anyway. Move on. Be happy with this girl who's content with showing you love. That's how a relationship is supposed to be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): You've done the right thing in the end.. she didn't want love she wanted money and she was the wrong choice in a woman. Yet you love her.. You can't change your feelings for someone by just cliking your fingers you need time, but you need to be by yourself being with this new beautiful women is doing nothing for yourself your just Trying to replace A And she will just get hurt in the end. My advice: Be by yourself, decide what you want in life.
Hope everything works out.
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