A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,so I was sending an email from my boyfriends laptop and went to attach my CV to it and the last thing he had been accessing on his laptop came up first - this happened to be a folder containing photos of naked celebrity women. I was quite shocked since I did know he watches porn sometimes but I assumed it was when we are apart since I'm with him most of the time. It was just weird seeing this for myself... I then looked at the properties of some of the photots and saw that he had saved some of them even today. I wondered when exactly this happened and came across loads of other folders containing similar things. I looked at his Internet history and saw that when I went for a nap earlier he had gone on loads of sites and found the pictures... I remember that he even came to find me when I was drifting to sleep and asked if he should wake me up in an hour or so to which I replied yes. It sort of clicked into place that maybe he just did that as some sort of insurance that I wouldn't get up and find him looking a the pictures...I know men look at these things but it's just a real shock to me that he would do this when I'm in the house. It makes me feel really disgusting in comparison to these women, I was never that confident about myself but it makes me feel even worse now.I can't compare to them. He also doesn't seem as interested in sex with me lately... I'm really worried that because I'm not as sexy as these women that he prefers fantasising over them. But when I'm thinking 'dirty' thoughts it's usually about my boyfriend!I don't want to tell him I've been looking at his private history on his on computer but I feel really betrayed. I don't even want to touch him right now.Am I just over reacting? What should I do? I just feel awful about myself and I'm really annoyed at him for wanting them more than me... I don't even think girls can get the same reaction out of a guy. Please help, someone :(
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female
reader, blahblahblahh +, writes (6 August 2010):
 I don't think couples should have anything to hide from eachother, i'd be cool with my boyfriend 'snooping' around on my computer, phone whatever. Porn is only okay when both people in the relationship are okay with it. The reader below may be okay with their partner watching porn right next to them fair enough, and this may be 'natural' and okay to them, that's their own opinion it ain't fact.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): You shouldn't feel betrayed, he's the one that should feel betrayed since you snooped through his computer. Fair enough, the first was an accident, but that didn't mean you had to carry on snooping.
There's nothing wrong with him looking at porn whether you're sitting next to him, sleeping or in another country. It's perfectly natural and it doesn't mean he sees you any differently.
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A
female
reader, blahblahblahh +, writes (14 July 2010):
Okay, well firstly, I think most women have all been there, felt hurt, experienced this kind of thing. I have in the past also, and I agree it's quite hard to shake the images out of your head, and it's hard not to compare yourself to them, because you instantly think 'whay would he have to look at so many naked women when i'm here all the time?' It's completely natural to feel like this and I don't think you're over reacting, nor do you need help with your self esteem. It's more of a matter of dealing with the situation. And the fact that he's doing it even while you're in the house, I personally wouldn't tolerate that.As horrible as it sounds, that's just what our generation is, with computers in every home, there's no stopping it and it seems that most men will quite happily look at these images without a thought to how it effects their woman. My ex used to look at naked celebritys, and in the end, the way I dealt with it was mockery. I think you have to just remember that Celebritys are fake, all the fake tan, make up, plastic surgery, they appear glamerous, but take all that away from them and they have no fame, more fool your boyfriend for being attracted to fake women! Just try to laugh it off, and if an advert comes on television, or a film, or whatever, when there's a really fake looking woman, laugh and make a jokey comment and make him feel silly. I'm not being immature or anything but I think the way you have to look at it is, celebritys are actually kind of ugly, they are walking dolls that physically promote surgery and fake beauty, and set bad idealisations to people. Maybe you could bite your tongue about what you saw, and look up some naked celebrity men or something, and leave it for him to find and see if he gets upset about that? If none of this helps the matter and if you can't find a way to deal with it, then I think it's best you tell him how much it effects you, and ask him to stop doing it. At the end of the day, I'm sure you'd give up something for him if it upset him. So if he cares about you enough this shouldn't be a problem. Don't think you don't have the right to ask him to stop, if you were doing something to emotionaly effect him no doubt he'd do the same! Whatever you do don't let the opinions of others that may tell you it's your problem get in the way of your own gut instinct, everyone has different views on this subject, and your boyfriend looking at naked women on a daily basis while he has you is definatly not YOUR problem, it's his, but it can be fixed, I don't think it's too big of a problem.At the end of the day, you have to set your own standards in this life, it's your heart and your mind and you know what's good and right for you, and what's not. Just approach the situation carmly, if you can definatly not accept him looking at these pictures and you can't laugh it off or put it to the back on your mind, then all that' left to do is by asking him to stop, if he loves you and respects you, then this will be no problem :)
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Watching pornography sometimes does not count as a sexual addiction. Addiction is a word that is very misused and will be dropped by the doctors as a tool of analysis..
Some people who hate pornography try to scare people with unscientific statements.
Dear poster,
He dosen't "want" these women in the video more than you, why would you think such a thing?
Have you ever seen a sex scene in a movie? Did you ever have a favorite handsome actor and watch him kissing on the big screen? Have you ever looked at any pornography?
Do you like famous actors, rock stars, men you admire, more than you love your boyfriend. Should he be jealous too of every man you smile at or think well off.
Do you masterbate?
Pornography is about looking at people having sex, it's not about falling in love with people on a video. You watch the sex, it's exciting, arrousing, sexy, you masterbate, it is done quickly. Then you forget what you see and you go back to enjoying your normal life.
How has he betrayed you? You said you assumed he looked at pornography and you accepted this. What promise did he break? How is he cheating on you in any way?
Your the one obsessed with porn, your the one who thinks about it all the time. He forgets all about it until he wants a quick, lazy orgasm.
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A
female
reader, CatherineA  +, writes (11 July 2010):
Everything I've read about porn addiction in men is that it is VERY SERIOUS and DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS. Take this VERY SERIOUSLY. This is not something that is going to be helped by you initiating sex, or trying to talk about it, etc. If you are not married to this man, and you have no children with him, the most sensible thing to do is end the relationship, because you cannot help him from your current position. He needs professional help. Shame on some of these replies that suggest it is somehow YOUR fault, or that you are overreacting. Get on the Internet and see if I'm not right.
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A
female
reader, nicewile +, writes (10 July 2010):
why? you told us before you have great sex.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Why does it bother you now but not before? Is it just the shock of it being right there, in physical form? It's understandable for it to be a shock, but remind yourself that absolutely nothing has changed from before. If it wasn't bothering you before now, there's no change. Yes it's a bit disrespectful while you were there, but it doesn't sound like a frequent habit. I once heard a guy comparing browsing through pictures of naked women to browsing through sports scores. A mindless thing when you're bored. If you had a problem with it before and he was lying, that would be one thing. But it seems like you were OK with it and knew he did, and nothing has changed other than you saw it. It's up to you if you want to talk about it, he might be able to offer some better insight into why. You would probably also be able to ask him not to look when you're around. As for them being sexier, don't think that even for a minute. You're REAL and that makes you so much sexier than any picture could ever be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): I would say don't overreact like that. It's maybe he wants sex more often than he has with you and masturbating over them. Not to betray you. If you will try to tell this to him friendly he may say the truth so you will feel better.
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